Day 24

Today is the first day I actually left the hospital for any length of time during the day. I did go to the bank a couple of times during the past 24 hours, and out to lunch "off campus" 2 or 3 times, but today Pete and I picked up Phil from work and took him to school, took care of some business needs downtown, went to lunch, and then went home for a couple of hours to get the ornaments, lights, etc down for Isaac, Ashley, and Katrina. (and Luke)...I left at noon and didn't get back until 5. He did have a few visitors during that time, so he probably didn't even miss me.

I really got a "kick" out of the note Deryl left me one day when he "beat me to the hospital." He said he had a nice chat with Stan, and that Stan let him do most of the talking. And John T. said Stan didn't complain about his jokes like Paula does. I pressed the point, and found that Stan didn't laugh at them either.

Back to today's lunch outing.... First you all know I am "from Oregon" (even tho I've been here for 25 years!), and second that the Lucky Wishbone is one of our favorite restaurants here. That said.....well, I will confess that I took Pete to Benihana's. If Kathy hadn't taken me there, I wouldn't have known about it, and I would be a few dollars richer now. If you aren't familiar with it, it is Japanese. You watch the chef cook your food.............no, PREPARE your food...right in front of you, doing an exciting floor show as he cooks. He spins his utinsels, throws the condiment shakers behind his back, catching them with the opposite hand, etc....etc. And the best part of all is the taste. Absolutely delicious!!

Our chef looked at me and said, "Are you from Oregon?" I thought maybe with all his talent for twirling and throwing and cooking, he was also psychic!! Then Pete told me I was wearing the Lincoln City T shirt the girls had bought me this summer. As he proceeded to prepare our meal with great gusto and showmanship, he commented about it being much better than Lucky Wishbone. I was clueless!! It was hours later that I realized Pete was wearing the Lucky Wishbone sweat shirt I bought him when we ate dinner there. So much for being psychic!

I was later than usual getting to the hospital today because of another "water" problem. I thought Phil had used all the hot water. He was innocent! While repairing the pipes yesterday, the gas was turned off accidentally for a couple of minutes, but that was long enough for the pilot light to go out on the water heater..........so "the house" was the culprit. I think it is missing Stan, too, and trying to show me how much I need him just for everyday things. I wish it could be convinced that I already KNOW that!!

I was blessed to have Pete here. He had been going to Wasilla with Andy, but decided to stay with Mom that night!! Phil had already left for work, and even tho I guessed to check the pilot light, I had NO idea how or where to light it. God is so good! He takes care of my needs before I know I have a need.

I had to wait for the water to heat. I just can't face the day without my shower.

When I got there, I found Stan enduring John's jokes, and keeping his numbers stable in spite of them. In fact, his oxygen had been turned down to 40% and his peep is set at 8! Before all the proning, he ranged from 100% / 16 peep to 70%(rarely) and 10 peep (again rarely....he was mostly at 80 - 90% and 12 peep). He is now completely taken off all seditives...and holding very stable, so we are getting very anxious to have him wake up!!! I hate to be gone at night because I want to be there when he "opens his eyes." I am holding fast to God's coat tail and trying to trust Him completely. I have had a great peace about "whatever" the outcome, because I did put Stan in God's hands early on, and have tried to keep my hands off. I know that God's decision in Stan's life will be best. I continually receive encouragement from each of you. I am saving all the beautiful words being said and written to me in cards, emails, etc. I knew I had a "keeper" when I married him, but it is pretty nice to have that fact reiterated to me over and over. My mother often said, "Aren't we glad we married him." That pretty much sums it up!!!

The kids did a great job decorating the tree. I was told that Luke almost "destroyed" it....by throwing a large Raggedy Andy doll at it from above. But that "disaster" did NOT happen...so all is well. He does have a great throwing arm and good aim for a two year old!

The food blessings continue. Today our nearest neighbor prepared an wonderful basketful of delicious food...including her homemade rolls (that we look forward to every Christmas!!). While I was waiting for the enforced "no visiting" time to end, I met a young man whose mother is not expected to live. I offered for him to share in my "bounty" but he said he wasn't hungry. His mother's name is Amy, and she is a year younger than Stan almost exactly. You are welcome to join me in praying for her. She had an anurism in her brain.

Your prayers are being heard on Eddie's behalf. He was better today. Thank you. I shared with Nancy that there are friends praying for them.

There is so much happening in the CCU unit during the past 3 1/2 weeks. It is heart rending. Like in Tulsa, it is an ongoing issue. One recovers and two more take their place. But we rejoice each time someone goes home.

The wind is raging outside. It must be blowing at least 90 mph gusts, with sustained winds of more than 50mph. I do not like the wind, Sam I Am. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them anywhere.

I left Stan in a "face up" position. The nurse said it didn't look like they'd be proning him tonight. He really does look good....and his nurses are all super. We are definitely on a first name basis with several of them. And they are so personable to him as they care for him.... always telling him what they are doing, without really knowing if he hears or not. Maybe tomorrow we'll find out!!!

Night for now.........Love, Madeline

Day 23

I just came home from the hospital. I went in to see Stan after the 8:30 "time out" was over...only I had to wait until 9 because they were doing something. Turned out they have him proned again. Proning is "flipping" him over onto his stomach for 12 hours. This is the third time...Sunday night, Monday night, and now Thursday night. It means being careful about all the wires and tubes and trach etc... They are many and diverse, believe me. They are attached everywhere you can imagine, and places you can't imagine. He has a new "unmentionable" tonight that I was glad to see.

He has wraps on his calves that inflate and massage to stave off clots....so each calf has a tube attached to a machine on the floor at the foot of the bed. He has the feeding tube in his nose............and a jillion other things between the leg and nose tubes. He really DOES look like a "bad plumber" (hmmmm...or is it a bad electrician) has been at work on him.

I was surprised to see him flipped again, because it didn't sound like they were going to. He has stayed very stable ever since the first proning....and I do mean stable. They lower his oxygen, and he continues to thrive. Now if he would JUST wake up!!!! They did tell me again today that he has been "out" for so long, that it will take him a long time to wake. So I will be patient and trust in God.

Mandy told me that Shelby (age five) prays for Stan every day, and last night she asked God to take care of "Mrs. Stan," too. And Luke (our grandson age two) bows his head and prays for Papa. And I know that so many many more are praying for him daily. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

We have seen so many come and go thru the CCU unit during the past 3+ weeks. Thankfully, only one death has occurred. There is ONE man who has been traveling a very similar road as Stan. He came in the day after Stan, and had his surgery the day before Stan. The problem has been both their lungs. He (Eddie) was actually sitting up a little earlier in the week. And "dopily" awake....but today, while things are looking up a little for Stan, Eddie took a turn for the worse. The big difference is............while Stan has had over 100 visitors, Eddie's wife has had NO ONE but us. I like to think there is an outside support group...like so many of you are, but she has been carrying this burden daily by herself. Her name is Nancy, and today she was pretty bleak because they were beginning to prepare her for the worse. I would appreciate it if you would join me in praying for Eddie and Nancy.

A Yupik Indian man was in the waiting room for his brother who had heart surgery. I saw him hold on to the doctor's sleeve and pray for the doctor when he gave his "after surgery" report. After the doctor left he started visiting with me and when Gary and Marilyn Andersen arrived he held Marilyn's and my hand, sang a song about Jesus in Yupik and then prayed for my "white man" husband, asking God to fix him. It was beautiful. At first I wasn't even sure he spoke English, because his wife translated everything the doctor said to him into Yupik. I had told him that I am Coos indian, so I don't know why he "assumed" my husband was a white man. (However, Bob Plank did dub Stan "mayonnaise legs" our first trip to Hawaii!!)

I was visiting with Paula Toms and Jean Houston when I saw Dr. Downs go into the CCU, so I jumped up to follow and invited the "gals" to come with me so they could see how rough he is on Stan's head. Of course, today he was as gentle as a lamb!!! Two very slow easy head shakes, NO pointy tissue in the eye ball, no jerking his hand toward Stan as tho to smack him...HONEST, those are what he did when there were no other witnesses!! He did say he got some response from Stan, tho. He also told me that he was being rotated out and that "Santa Claus" would be our next neurologist. (Actually, he said, "He has trimmed his beard and got some hair cut off so that he doesn't look quite as much like Santa now."

We three "good, obedient" females were a little nervous about 3 of us being in the room, so we decided that Paula and I were each 3/4 a person, and Jean was 1/2 a person...so we really totalled two. Then Mandy came in, so we decided she was just "wee" and didn't add up to any more, but then Pete walked in....and there is NO way you can call him "wee"...........but doctors and nurses were making regular comings and goings for some reason....and no one said "boo."

Pete is here to help me get at my ornaments....so I better go. Actually, it is bed time....

Love, M

Day 22

Baby steps....but at this rate maybe he'll be walking soon!! He did have a wee bit of response to the neurologists "tests" today. Dr. Downs does things that make me shudder!! I mean this IS an injured brain he is dealing with, and he jerks Stan's head from side to side while holding his eyes open....checking for something called "doll's eyes." He also takes a bit of paper towel or tissue and rolls it into a toothpick shape, and then sticks it on Stan's eyeballs. And today he thrust his open hand toward Stan's eye that he was holding open, and stopped just short of "hitting" him. Any of those are hard to watch. Then he says, "Now I'm going to do something that may look bad, but it isn't." And what he does is press on the eyeball while the lid is closed. Now of all those tests...that is the one that did NOT look "bad."

Well, we aren't setting off sky rockets, but maybe we're lighting a fire cracker or two!!

They have turned off the ativan and will turn down the fentanol tonight. His "peep" is down to 8 tonight...this is the lowest it has been set so far. His pressure is still set at 50% and his numbers are all staying very good. We could "almost" start liking numbers again!!

If he would just open his eyes and say Hi....what a glorious day that will be!

The bump on his forehead is gone, but there is a weird red spot there, now.

The doctor who ordered the proning came in to see me tonight. He said he wanted to do a bit of bragging. I told him to brag all he wants...I, for one, am very happy with his results!!

I have been playing CDs of Bert Kempfert and Billy Vaughn big band music........music we have listened to for over 45 years...first on LPs, then tapes, and now CDs..............I chose those two because when "Wonderland by Night" comes on (it's on both CDs) he will automatically think of me and know I am there. That has been a favorite song of ours for ever and evokes memories of when we were planning our first house, etc. I have a CD by Galen and one by Roger Hall of hymns, too....more favorites.

Several nurses have commented how much they like the music, and like to step into his room just for the calmness it creates.

Both shooting victims have been moved out of ICU. PTL

The boys tell me they will finish repairing the water early tomorrow and also bring in the ladders. (We have an attic room above the ceiling in the upper turret room, but it is a 12 foot ceiling, so it takes a step ladder to climb and lift off the lid, and then a taller ladder to reach into the opening. That is where all my Christmas decorations are stored. This is no small production....and I carefully remove each ornament from its box, and put it back in January. We also have our living room fake tree up there, and any number of wreathes, ribbons, lights, etc....not just the tons of ornaments I have amassed over the years. Isaac asked if he could help decorate the tree. I do believe I'll take him up on it!!! I usually flock the real tree, but this one is so pretty, I may not have the heart. (Unless some Russians decide to come help me! heehee)

Sorry there is no funny errors to laugh at. Guess I am awake tonight.... I do have a bit of trivia that might bring a smile. For some reason I realized today a new meaning to the phrase "turn a blind eye."
I had cataract surgery last December (wow, really!! a year ago!! ) and so my left eye is now 20/15...better than perfect vision...except it is still "old" and needs reading glasses to see up close. Now, the right eye didn't have a cataract, so it is still 20/500.........quite blind, BUT it has the nearsighted advantage of not needing reading glasses to see up real close. So the left is blind for close work, and the right is blind for distance...........so, at anytime, anywhere I am able to "turn a blind eye" towards something!!! Cute, aren't I!!!

As Stan would say, "You're getting silly. Go to bed..." Sooooo, I am off to bed. Talk to you tomorrow.

Love, M

Day 21

It is Wednesday morning. I decided to write my Tuesday update after a night's sleep and hopefully make sense ...

When I arrived at the hospital around 8:30 a.m. (I am not allowed in between 7 and 8:30 due to shift change) I found Stan already "flipped" back onto his back. The puffiness in his face that comes from being on his stomach was already mostly gone, as the "flipping" had taken place at six a.m.

It was a very quiet day for him. He rarely had to cough or be suctioned, and his oxygen levels have been truly wonderful. The pressure has remained at 50%, and his intake number has been 97 to 100% all day. I don't think I saw it drop lower even when they would turn him from side to side. We are hoping his pressure will be lowered even further, meaning his lungs really are improving, and they will start waking him up.

Last night we weren't allowed back in to see him until after nine p.m. and I thought they were "proning" him again. It turned out that during the earlier proning his arterial "port" had shifted so they decided to replace it. No, that is not the right one....it is the one in his vein that they replaced; the one that all the intravenous meds are given through. It used to be in his neck, but a few days ago they put it up through his left arm above the elbow. It runs from there, across his chest to just above his heart. It is also used to measure the pressure in his heart, and there is a formula they can use to determine the pressure in his brain. The arterial one was sewed into his right wrist for a couple of weeks, but is now in his left wrist. It continually measures his blood pressure.

The stitches were removed from his trach last night, and it is really looking good. He looks so much more comfortable without the large tube in his mouth. The feeding tube is very small and is again going through his nose. I am assured this is "hardly noticeable" to him. So far there has been no new mention of putting it directly into his stomach. I think they will wait for him to wake and see if he still cannot swallow.

His nurse did tell me last night that he was a bit more wakeful, because they had to turn off all the meds for over half an hour while they replaced the line into his arm. Katrina said she felt his fingers "twitching" in his right hand. Baby steps....I am always being told to rejoice over baby steps!!

As of last night, his ventilator pressure has been at the 50% number for over 40 hours!!! This, in the light of the past three weeks, is more like a giant step. So please keep praying and EXPECT more giant steps.

I won't know if he was proned last night or not until I get to the hospital. It is a big job for the "crew" ...it takes several people who must work as a very careful team. He is a big man and has such a multitude of tubes and wires that have to be carefully attended to during the "flipping."

Our grandson Isaac arrived last night. Andy, Grace, and Pete picked him up and took him to see "Papa" before taking him to Wasilla for a good night's rest, I hope. His plane didn't get in until just after midnight. I haven't got to see him yet. I got home just after 11....I seemed to be awfully tired yesterday. I woke up at 2:20 something with no covers on last night, and then again this morning at 5 something, so I finally got up and decided to get my update written and start the day. I had my alarm set for 7, and just now when I kept hearing an alarm going off, I ran downstairs to make sure Phil was UP...but his alarm wasn't making all that noise...it was mine! heehee He will be leaving soon. Today he is actually teaching a grade school class (substitute). He is working as a teacher's aide in preschool, but the teacher that had to be gone today asked for him!! Cool, huh!!! He felt very honored.

The church is still determined to protect me from any weight loss!! We had a delicious meal brought in last night. I had made me a peanut butter and jam sandwich, but it is now saved for today's lunch.

I need to get ready to go, so will say goodbye for now. (The shooting victims are improving. PTL... and one of you has expressed concern for the young man's soul who did the rampage. Let us pray for him, too!)

Love, M

Day 20

Not exactly FIREWORKS yet, but today was the best day since his surgery. He was able to tolerate the "proning" very well and it definitely helped his oxygen levels. Instead of 70 to 100 pressures he has been having for almost 3 weeks, it was turned down to 50. He was "flipped" onto his tum at about 10 last night and "flipped" back over at ten this morning. What I was NOT prepared for (but should have been expecting) was the way his face was swollen. He has so much excess fluid and with his face down, a lot of fluid settled there, so that his eyes and mouth were very swollen. After being turned onto his back again that slowly went away. However, he was "flipped" back onto his tum at six tonight for another 12 hours, so the process will be repeated.

There is a lump above his left eye about the size of a quarter, but thicker. I thought it might be fluid, but when I felt it, it is kind of hard. I asked the nurse, my friend Kathy, and a doctor. No one knows what has caused it or what it is. The doctor did say to watch it and report if it gets larger. I said it looks like he was dropped on his head, and Kathy said maybe a nurse got mad and bonked him. Now its YOUR turn to decide just what did happen. I hope it's gone tomorrow....

His back side doesn't have any bedsores....the bed does rotate him, and I guess it works... After being on his back for almost three weeks, no bed sores is a miracle in itself.

Stan had a very quiet day with good numbers on all machines....but the rest of CCU unit was in turmoil!! Our daily newspaper had headlines and articles of what turned out to be a "serial" killer. There was a young man found shot to death in his Bronco outside his home Sunday morning, a young lady shot on the jogging trail near her home Sunday evening, and a man hacked to death in his Palmer home. Then this morning another man was shot numerous times and his car stolen. It turned out to be a young man angry at his father (who he murdered with a machete) in Palmer and then traveled to Anchorage where he killed the man in the Bronco. He also shot the girl and the other man. The girl was jogging and he approached her and she acted nervous so when she had passed him he shot her several times in the back. He "chose" the two men because he wanted their cars. Why he didn't take the first one's car, I don't know. Phil and Kacee were "on the spot" when and where the police finally apprehended him by ramming the stolen car to stop him. (They were on their way to work.) The girl is in the room next to Stan and the man who is still alive is in another room in the same unit. The waiting room that WE have controlled for so long is now full of the girl's friends and family. The nurse who has been taking care of Stan for the past three days is a good friend of the the girl and all those others who are here for her. We have been in on police reports etc whether we wanted to be or not, since this all takes place within our hearing. She is going to be okay I think. Ryan, Stan's nurse, was in visiting with her at the end of his shift and she was awake. I think the other guy is more critical, but she is badly hurt and has had two surgeries so far and another pending. Her name is Liz. I don't know the man's.....but they could use prayer. They were all three totally random....because he said he decided after killing his father to take a few more. It could have been much worse, as there was plenty of time between each attack! It is so sad. The young man who was killed was a straight A student at the university where Phil goes, and reported to be a very kind and talented person. What a sad day for this town!

They take an Xray of Stan's lungs every morning, and the one they took of him after putting him back on his back showed "not a LOT, but a definite improvement" per the intensivest doctor. There are different opinions about the value of "proning" but after seeing his oxygen levels and his xray results...I think I am for it, even tho I see some discomfort and it is quite a task to turn him. We are so happy to hear of actual improvement to Stan's lungs for the first time. But today's news did put a bit of a damper on our cheer.

When I got home tonight I had frozen pipes, so no water. I am so thankful that Andy and Pete came home with me. They and Brian took care of the problem. It is supposed to warm up tomorrow (to 15!!) so I should be okay. I will leave water running over night.

I haven't got the ladder in to get my ornaments down from the "attic" yet, but I haven't had time to worry about decorating the tree yet anyway. It is a beautiful tree!! even if the Russians had NOTHING to do with it.

I hope I haven't been weird in my email today!!

I haven't been sleepy yet........I think I fell asleep for a little while in Stan's room today. I don't think he minded, tho.

Love you all...M

Day 19

Hello Everyone!! After what I discovered I wrote in day 18, I thought I should wait to write until morning!! (My boys picked up the 7 - 8 foot Noble fir tree for my entry. Laura and Mark each got a free tree because the Russian's didn't like the bug that came east and weather wth them.)

I am sure you all must have wondered about that sentence!! I got up Sunday morning and decided to check out what I had written and sent the night before because I was too sleepy to edit it. Ooooh Boy!! I have no idea how the Russians got involved or what the east or weather had to do with anything. What I am wondering....if we take all these weird things I write in my sleep and put them together if they'll make an interesting story??? heehee

What I was trying to say was......... a load of trees were sent to Hawaii, but the inspector found a bug on one and rejected the entire lot. The trees were then sent to Alaska where they are being sold for charity, but each Northern Air Cargo employee got one free. Since Mark and Laura BOTH work there, they shared their extra tree with me!! Still a good story, if NOT quite as exciting as the Russian one!!

When I left the hospital last night they were working on getting a special team together to "flip" or "prone" Stan, meaning to carefully place him on his stomach for 8 to 16 hours. This is to help his lungs. The doctor talked to me yesterday and said that his lungs were what is holding us up from getting the answers to what we are all wondering..........is there brain activity?? Until he can be "woken up" there is no way to know, but his lungs are so sick he has to be kept sedated. The "proning" will take pressure off them and hopefully let them heal. If he gives any indication that the proning is causing stress, they will flip him back again immediately. So I am anxious to get there to see what is happening.

He does have a yeast infection, but it showed in his sputum and his urine, so the doctor is trying to discover exactly where it is centered so he can treat it.

His "numbers" all stayed very good all day yesterday EXCEPT when the electricity failed (twice) during the afternoon. My friend Kathy was with me the first time (PTL) and leaped into action when the back up power did not come on. By the time she had the manual air thing ready to go the power returned, but she was there and ready!!! Those few seconds, however, caused him a bit of stress and his oxygen levels went from 93 to 81. They were brought back up in a very short time and stayed up the rest of the day. We were out eating lunch the 2nd time, but I am told it was short enough duration that the machines didn't even "blink" so I guess I am assuming he didn't waver.

It was very windy in town all day Sunday and there were 90 mph winds in the valley where Andy and Eric live. OUR winds made for a very COLD day. Our newspaper says to expect minus 2 tonight. I'd rather NOT, but guess I'll prepare myself. I like temps between 15 and 20 all winter....very nice!! Colder is a bit chilly, and warmer is very messy!!!

Kathy brought a peach pie and ended up sharing it with others in the waiting room. This included an 18 month old who kept handing us her bottle to hold and saying "bite." AND we came out of CCU once to find a young man helping himself to a dish. He was so "embarassed" that it was funny. She told him it would cost him $20....and he could pay his girl friend later. Poor guy.... she had left it there for people...but he obviously felt "caught."

Well, hopefully there are no scary weird sentences in this update. Stan's trach looks good, I am told that he has less bleeding than most and that he will be able to cough with better results. Now I must get going so I can see how they have him positioned...with the trach and all the other paraphenalia he is attached to in the way... lying on his front side. I'll let you know "tonight."

Love, M

Day 18

I want to share the "meat" of Molly's email to me today:

"The chances are fairly good that the surgeon doesn't know the Lord Jesus as Savior.

So I wanted to remind you of a time in the Bible when God used an unbeliever to accomplish His great purposes, and it says that God grasped that person by the right hand. That's usually the hand the surgeons use to operate.

(She quoted the verses, but I will give you the reference...Is 44:24-28, Is 45 1-6)

Madeline, I'm praying that God will grasp the surgeon by the right hand and accomplish His purposes this morning - so that EVERYONE will know that there is no God like our God."

Wellllll....I do believe that God grasped the surgeon's by the right hand and accomplished His purpose this morning!! The surgery went well, and Stan's numbers are good. PTL

While Stan was in surgery, my boys went to Denny's and got me some eggs and hash browns.....yummmm..... The rest of the gang ate Subway....that is all there is in this hospital. There is an excuse (poor one?) of a cafeteria, but it is usually closed! I guess that isn't the "important" part of being a good hospital, tho, so it is okay.

After eating and gabbing, I went up to check on Stan and found he was back in his room, but not quite ready for visitors. It wasn't long before I was able to see him and see the doctor. Kathy (RT friend ) was with me and had totally explained what to expect. She was right on target, even to the bleeding. This will abate soon. He looks so much more comfortable with that stuff out of his mouth. The feeding tube went back in through his nose, but I was told "they hardly notice it" and that it isn't painful. I sure hope not.

No more tape between his mouth and nose and around his head!! They had shaved him this morning, and after removing the tape now, he has whiskers growing from ear to ear in a strip about 1 inch wide....so he could develop an interesting mustache!!

After checking on him, I went back to the cafeteria to let others know he was in his room. I sat and visited and two friends joined Kathy and me. We were "updated" by John T who said he had been kicked out because they were going to insert the feeding tube in Stan's nose. He left, and John G came down and reported that he was kicked out because they were about to a Chest xray of Stan's chest

(I am so sleepy! I do hope I am making sense!!)

My boys picked up the 7 - 8 foot Noble fir tree for my entry. Laura and Mark each got a free tree because the Russian's didn't like the bug that came east and weather wth them.

They both work for Northern Air Cargo, and so they had an extra "free" tree. What a blessing! I was not sure that I would decorate this year, but with this tree....comes a renewed spirit of "the season."

The boys have set the tree up for me and tomorrow will help me get to the boxes of ornaments. I have to go to bed so tormorrow will come!!!

Night and God Bless....Love, M

Day 17 and still going

My very own "energizer bunny!!"

Not such good news today....but not TOO bad, I guess. I was hoping for much better.

But first, I have an apology to make. My only excuse is ....Well, hmmmm, maybe stress and lack of sleep....but to leave Mark and Laura off my list of yesterday's visitors makes me very sad. They are so special to us that we "adopted" them!!! Sorry kids!! You know I love you. (So there were 18 yesterday!! And like one email said "you are all there in spirit!! and I do "feel" you! thank you!!)

When I got to the hospital, I was so sure life was all rosy.....only to be told Stan had a really bad night. His oxygen stayed okay, but his pulse and BP soared, so that all kinds of meds were once again being administered.

He did "settle down" and so most of these were slowly removed during the day, and his numbers (oh those NUMBERS) stayed pretty good. This afternoon the intensivest (I didn't even know such a "term" existed!! but my RT friend said they are the best of the best...) told me it was now time for a trach. I am nervous (or was, until I read my Molly's email tonight about HOPE) because of what an earlier doctor had said about him not being strong enough. They feel he is more stable now even tho last night was bad, so I have to trust .... and SIGN...

It was my understanding I would be talking to the surgeon in a day or two. Surprise....she came tonight prepared to go into surgery about midnight....but the anethesiologist said NO WAY...gotta be off that feeding tube for at least six hours. So plans changed and it was to be Sunday morning at nine. Five minutes later....change of plans...it will be Saturday morning at ten thirty. Please do pray a little extra in the morning!!

I bragged a little too soon last night....about not falling asleep while writing. When I tried to enter your addresses into the address line, I kept falling asleep and have learned that I sent some "astray"....so I do hope that you all got an update!! It is earlier tonight. I came home about three hours earlier and hope to get at least 6 hours sleep tonight.

Many of the men of our congregation are at a retreat this weekend....Murphy flew up from Oregon to be the guest speaker and brought his lovely wife. They both came to the hospital today (along with an elder from the congregation where Murphy preaches, and Deryl, our minister) to check on Stan. Stan had planned to be at the retreat, so it was great that they brought a little of it to him.

I think there were 13 who came today.... so we "fell off" a little.....and the neurologist thought I was ALONE!! Little did he know.... And little did he know that like Elisha and the servant.... and the mountain that was "full of horses and chariots..." ... there are the multitude of YOU on my mountainside!! (II Kings 6:17)

Love, M

Day 16

"Sixteen "tons" and what do you get?? Another day older and deeper in debt....." Hmmm, quoting that song probably dates me as "old." Having Stan "another day older" is a real blessing!!

And today, PTL, was a better day. AND we're hoping for an even better day tomorrow!!! "Joy cometh in the morning!" Stan was stable enough to have a CAT scan, and it showed improvement in his head. His chest is still being stubborn. I asked what the criteria was for getting out of CCU, and it is his lungs that are keeping him captive. They have a long way to go to heal.

However, his numbers were ALL good ALL day today, even after the scan and after being taken off the paralytic meds. He is still heavily sedated with Fentenal and Ativan, but is no longer unable to move a muscle. He "twitched" his eyelids several times tonight. He still has the ventilator and feeding tube, etc. He is being fed again. They had to stop that for a couple of days. We are "dancing in the street" tonight. Hopefully, we'll be setting off a celebration of fireworks soon!

A friend showed me the scans from today and the other two since surgery on a split screen so I could compare. The radiologists had typed numbers on them so it was easy to know there is a difference. The scan on Nov. 19 showed a shift or swell that pushed over the midline by 11.?? mm. On Nov. 22 it was 12.2?, but today's showed 9.89...PTL!!

The neurologist did remind me today that this is a long road we'll be traveling. (I always wanted to travel more....so I am ready!) However, I think I'll leave the time factor up to God. He knows more than the doctor or me!

Basically THAT is the news of the day. I had other super news today involving a good friend's health, so my day was pretty good.

Andy brought Luke in early because Grace was teaching today, so I was royally entertained by him and Shelby Titus. What fun! I am hoping Brooke will soon be able to come to the hospital for another visit. She and Shelby have a lot of fun together, too. Of course, it is BRIAN that Shelby really comes to see!!! heehee....He draws her pictures to color...and they both enjoy it. (For you "out of staters" ... Shelby is five! She taught me a new song and dance yesterday. I would just love to show it to you!)

They served mashed spuds, gravey, and meatloaf in the cafeteria for lunch today...and it was Good! Boy, what Pete and I had a few days ago was NOT.

This weekend is the men's retreat with Murph being the guest speaker. Stan was really looking forward to it, but I told Deryl and Rick he probably wouldn't be able to make it.

(Murph is a friend who is now preaching in Hepner, OR.........)

Deryl, our minister, took Andy and Pete out shooting yesterday for some R and R. Now why do you suppose he thought Stan's sons would enjoy such an activity???

The "new" neurologist asked me today if I had any family here....or anyone to give me support. He mentioned that I was the only one he ever saw. (Of course, he has only seen me in Stan's room and only two at a time can be in there.) It was very caring of him, but startled me, since I am sure I have more support at this time than most people can ever conceive of!! There is always someone here for me. Always!! In fact, Deryl beat me to the hospital today. Just today there was Deryl, Dave B., Pete, Andy, Luke, Mandy, Shelby, Brian, Phil, Grace, Katrina, Ashley, Dave T., John T., Dave and Katie M.....plus a call from the IBEW asking what they could do for me, and a note from Kathy telling me why she couldn't be there. If you've counted...that is 16 visitors (interesting, 16 on day 16...think there'll be 17 tomorrow??) AND I think today was the least of any day of all. I see the Dave's are the winners today. Usually it is Johns....sometimes as many as five Johns at one time!!!

Speaking of names...a bit of trivia.... I am beginning to think all of Stan's nurses are named Kathy or a derivity of Christine. I say "little blond Kathy", "little brunette Kathy", "tall Kathy", etc... We love them all!!!

I didn't fall asleep once writing this. Sorry to not be more entertaining..........maybe tomorrow night! heehee

Love you all, M

Day 15

Fifteen days.....we have met and consoled with so many people. There is a lot of sadness (and joy) and pain in the CCU area. It is hard to believe that it is now over two weeks!

Andy, Pete, and I got to the hospital before visiting hours started. But when the time was right, they still wouldn't let us in because they were working on him. Finally his nurse came to the waiting room to get us. She stood there and told us how good he was doing, how great his numbers were...and told us we could now come see him. When she and two of us entered his room we saw immediately that his oxygen was no longer at the nice perfect level of 96, but had dropped to 65!! Pete and I were immediately asked to leave, while they worked on him. They use a manual apparatus to give oxygen and then suction his lungs. They got things in better order and again let us go see him. He seemed pretty stable (he IS still kept in the coma like state hoping that will rest his lungs and they will heal) so my friend Kathy encouraged me to go OUT to lunch with her. It was a nice outing, and Stan seemed to tolerate my absence okay () i.e. his numbers stayed okay. But later in the afternoon his oxygen levels took another dive and he again had to have the manual apparatus used on him. They got up quite a bit of "gunk" so I hope that will help the healing process. His blood pressure stays too low, but not in the dangerous dips. He is running about 107 average on top.....enough to function but the medical people, therefore the family people, would like it in the 130s.

I did finally remember to bring in a CD player and have some favorite music playing. I am hoping it will sooth him and let him know I love him even when I am not in his room.

Another patient's visitor told us about a room on the 7th floor for visitors....kitchen, puzzles, couches, etc. We checked it out...nice! We do LOOK OUT for each other!!

I am about to head out again. I fell asleep so hard at the computer last night that when I woke up, there were no strange words!! I decided to get up early and write today.

Thank you for your prayers!! I had another sweet "Mollyism" last night, too. She talked about our being renewed in the spirit, and that is what she is praying.

My "hurry" today is because we are "down" to one car as we share with family, so I have to get Phil to work ON TIME before going to the hospital. So gotta run!

Eric's family has been sick this week, so I would appreciate prayers for them.......fever and fluish...so he can't come be with his dad!! Thanks again!!

Love, M

Day 14

It has now been two full weeks since Stan's stroke. For me, it is like time is suspended. I do want to tell you all how very much you mean to me... Your prayers, emails, thoughts, visits, etc.... Since I haven't had to go this journey alone, having you all with me, I can't imagine what it would be like to do so. I just want you to know how very much your love means, and how much it helps. I am keeping a log of all this...to share with Stan when he is well.

Today was a panicky day. I did leave the hospital tonight feeling a little less scared and stressed. I spent most of the day with a very tight, hurting abdomen....
It is that horrible number thing again. I spent literally hours standing by his bed watching and praying and hoping for .....would you BELIEVE! HIGHER blood pressure numbers. (I guess I am just never satisfied!!)

When I got to the hospital I was not allowed to see him for over an hour because he was undergoing a procedure to remove fluid from around his lungs. When I was told the name of it, I sat out there and was concerned because I recognized it as a word Julie mentioned often that I could never say (and still can't...but I'll do my best) and tried to remember just what it meant. I finally thought I knew that it was the procedure they did on her when they put the drainage tube in her chest area. I was "close" but it wasn't that procedure, but instead it was a month earlier when they "tapped" her for fluid....they put a needle into the chest area to draw out fluid. I seem to remember being amazed and rather horrified at the amount they removed from her. Today they drew off one liter from around Stan's left lung, and one and one half liters from around his right lung. That is over a half gallon of fluid!

But after a night of extremely low oxygen levels, something had to be done, and this has made a big difference in his oxygen. Those numbers are miraculous, but his blood pressure has been dangerously low. I watched for hours while the numbers just would not rise above the 80s and were mostly in the 70s. I wanted to go out and call someone to get everyone praying at the same moment, but didn't want to leave him. I did go out for a second to do what must be done, and called Andy. I guess his call to Pete sent Pete to his phone, and there was an instant prayer service started. Thank you!!

There has been some pretty "straightforward" talk to me today from a couple of doctors. They are not giving up, but I was told I should be prepared to make some difficult decisions if the moment arrives. I was also hugged by Dr. Lee twice and he assured me that he was praying for Stan. He rotates out, but he told me he was not abandoning me, but now would have even more time to pray for Stan.

Besides the "thorendisis" (not even close, but I left my notebook in the car....where I tried to write it phonetically while it was fresh in my mind.. it is the draining).... he has had specimens drawn of his blood, urine, and sputum for a new culture. He has had a major "line" changed from his neck to into an arm and up and into his chest area. His cathetar has been changed. His staples have been removed from his head. He has had his head shook again, his fingers pricked every hour for blood sugar testing, a chest x-ray, and a multitude of other things going on, so that it seemed an endless bus-i-ness around his bedside all day. The nurse has been terrific (they all are) but there are things about her..... i.e. the RT on call commented how great it was that she was heads up and insistent on this draining thing. She was instrumental in getting the radiologist who was seeing a patient in the clinic to come STAT because Stan was critical....and put her "neck on the line" by having the procedure done and getting me to sign permission after the fact.

Whatever God's decision is for Stan, I know He has given him really wonderful, efficient, and knowledgeable caregivers.

There is probably more I should remember about today, but it is a lot of a blur of numbers. Stan is being kept in a coma like state again, and they said he probably will be for 2 or 3 days to keep him from having to "work" and so give his lungs a chance to heal. He won't be opening his eyes again until he is allowed to wake up, I am sure. But it actually turns out that both his day nurse and the night nurse saw him open his eyes....this is TWO distinct times. I WANT to see it, too!!
He won't have a CAT scan until he is stable enough, and he won't get a trach until he is much better.....the doctor said he would not survive the surgery.

When we got to see him before coming home tonight his numbers were all good numbers, but also all "manufactured" numbers....but whatever or however they arrived, they were so much better than all day. His BP was pretty steady between 110 and 120!! (top number...the bottom number has stayed between 40 and 55).

An IBEW friend was in his room with me for a while and said it looked like a very poor plumbing apprentice had been at work on Stan....in reference to all the tubes! LOL

I am going to once again attach a note from my Molly.........

God bless each of you in a special way today!!
Love, M

Good morning, Madeline. Probably good evening, right? By the time you start reading emails, it's probably pretty late.

I've been praying through Psalm 34 for you and Stan. Oh magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together! The angel of the Lord is encamping around you. You thought you were spending time in a hospital, but it's not. It's a camp ground. The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears toward their cry. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

His eyes are on you - He sees things that are hidden to you. His ear is listening to you. His ears are toward your cry - like someone who is leaning over, cupping their hand behind their ear, to make sure they hear every word. The Lord is near. The Lord is near.

Madeline, I've asked you this before but I can't remember what you said. When you were in school in Monmouth, did you go to the First Christian Church? I got a call last night from the pastor's wife, and she asked me to come and speak at their ladies' Christmas event and give the Gospel. It's on December 12th.

There are probably a lot of people in Oregon praying for you - I'm one of them, dear girl.

Love,
Molly

Day 13

Thirteen days!!!

I have been thinking about how the gas companies play with our minds and get us to "like" higher prices at the pumps. They get the cost of gas up to $3.50 for a few days, and then drop it down to $2.99 and we are SO happy!!! That is what can easily happen to me with Stan's numbers.....!!! His blood pressure goes up over 200 for a while and I get so excited and happy to see it at 180!!!

Today did not start OR end very good. The doctor told me that he is sicker than ever...this is his sickest day. His blood pressure and cereal are not (good grief, you'll all be having me committed!!! CEREAL??? I was so sleepy, I decided to go to bed and finish this in the morning. By the time I got my pj's on, I was awake again and thought I 'd give it another go... CEREAL??? THAT is just how I left this email to get ready for bed....wonder what cereal had to do with anything. Now that you've all had a super chuckle at my expense...I'll try to finish the update.)

Okay....it is very difficult to tell you that his blood pressure and oxygen are giving lots of trouble. The doctor is seriously considering putting him back into a coma. He is also preparing our minds for the next step....a trach and a peg...meaning a trachiostomy and a stomach feeding tube. Two things that will really be easier for him and the nurses, but more permanent or longer lasting. The ventilator and tube down his throat can only be for a couple of weeks. They irritate too much to be left longer. They haven't done this as yet. I'll let you know.

I left the hospital during the day today for the first time in 13 days. I do go home at night for a few hours. I needed to go to a computer store with Pete. He is still here but had some work that needed doing.

Andy and Pete went clear across Anchorage to get me some rice and teryaki sauce for my dinner tonight. (I just got back to the computer. I've had my shower and about ready to leave for the hospital this morning...Tuesday. I could not stay awake last night and didn't want any more weird words to sneak into my update!!)
I can't seem to talk people out of doing things...and the roads and traffic are so awful!! (But it did taste good!)

Here is the rest of Monday's update!!

We (kids and me) filtered in two by two (we are still playing "Noah and the ark" ) to tell Stan good night. Grace and I were next to last, and the nurse asked me if there were many more visitors to come in. We told him there was just one more group, He told us that he was hesitating to finish giving Stan his meds until he settled down from the visiting. He said Stan seemed to be aware of us and his blood pressure kept skyrocketing, but he was afraid he would over sedate him if he gave the meds while we were still coming and going. He encouraged us to let the last ones come in, tho. Then he said that Stan opened his eyes! I said "OPENED his eyes???" He said yes. I said, "Opened or flickered his eye lids?" He insisted that Stan opened his eyes. I said that is the first time since two hours after coming to the hospital. He said, "Well he's been heavily sedated." I told him that the sedation didn't start until after surgery on Friday Nov. 16. Stan hadn't opened his eyes since about noon on Wednesday the 14th. He said something about..."Well, he had a stroke." This was this nurse's first time with Stan....I doubt he has the tiniest idea of how BIG this news is! I am having a difficult time believing it...but he was insistent!!

SO....the day didn't end as badly as I was thinking, did it!!!

The doctors do something called "rotation" and so Stan started Monday with a new neurologist....Dr. Downs. He did some rather shocking tests...(shocking to me). He held Stan's eyes opened and shook his head back and forth. I asked what he was looking for by doing that...and he said Stan's eyes tracked the correct way while he did that which indicated that his brain stem was functioning. (More GOOD news!) They weren't able to do the CAT scan because he was too unstable and it was too much of a risk. Because of the sedation, it is difficult to assess things like the brain stem's "health" without the scan, but this guy had his ways!
Stan will have a change in "choreographer" next Sunday. Dr. Lee has been with him from day one, but has to rotate. Dr. Madden (neurologist from day one) gave me her home phone so that even tho she was rotated out, I could call her, and Dr. Lee told me to page him if I don't see a doctor by two p.m. anyday....so I am being kept well taken care of even if they are "leaving" us. I still have NOT seen the neurosurgeon that operated on him since he talked to us all right after surgery on the 16th! (Moral: make sure your cell phone is OFF when the doc is talking!!...........I'm sure that's NOT the reason, but makes me wonder!!)

I am off and running...I'll try to email today's news....tonight!

Love you all!!! M

Day 12

Today started out pretty good, but ended a bit sad. Stan's numbers were great and he was pretty "calm" until about 2 p.m. It seems like he had lots of struggling with breathing and oxygen levels for the rest of the day. I can't even remember how many times the "whole" floor crew seemed to be in his room...to turn him, suction him, medicate him, adjust his oxygen, etc...do whatever they could to get him to relax so he can heal. We had had good news about two, also. I was rubbing his legs to try to get some of the fluid out...wearing my bright yellow robe and blue rubber gloves....when the doctor came in and said I didn't have to wear them anymore, he was being taken out of isolation!! His lung (sputum) culture IS staph, but not the very difficult to treat strain!! All his other cultures are negative.

But when I left him about 11 p.m. he was struggling for each breath, even tho his numbers were good. He is scheduled for a CAT scan Monday morning. Hopefully, there will be some improvement.

Today was the day I had purchased tickets to the Nutcracker. I like to get the "train" seats ....a balcony of ten seats in a row, one behind the other, and totally separate from where anyone else sits. I bought all ten seats even tho there were just nine of us going so we could have the entire section. (This was days before Stan's stroke.) How fortunate that I had all ten. When today arrived I gave Cheri my ticket and Sara was able to use the extra ticket (or was it the other way around????) . I had been wishing they could join us for this event that we enjoy every year...kind of a "kick off" to the season!! I stayed at the hospital and they did what I really wanted them to do..... Then they all came back to the hospital to see Papa.

There was a pot luck and memorial service at church today (for a lady who died a couple of weeks ago.) Phil, Brian, Angie, Cheri, and Sara...brought me a plate of food from the church that was delicious...........but (probably more info than you care to know) I don't treat it very nicely. I have about a 30 minute holding time, and then I hit the little girl's room.

I forgot to mention the weather!! Yesterday I had to clean off at least five inches of new snow!! I hate that when I am ready to go, I have that job to do. The snow was really "heavy"....wet....real snow man making snow, and I didn't have time to make a snowman!! This morning there was no new snow. I still didn't get a newspaper...the deliverer must be a real "chechako"....our drive way is not THAT difficult! Coming home to night was a "little hairy"....there were some pretty slick spots on our road.

Sara sang a couple of hymns to Stan before leaving tonight. BEAUTIFUL!! I think Ashley went in later and sang to him, but I didn't get to hear her.....I KNOW it was beautiful, too!!

Cheri and Sara are winging their way home right now. We will miss them a lot. Pete has opted to stay for now. It is pretty hard to leave with Stan still not able to respond. I hope the cat scan will show improvement, and I especially hope we'll get him awake soon. They have to keep sedating him because of his oxygen. and / or pain. I just hope it doesn't keep up, or he will never get awake enough to respond to us.

The lung doctor did state irrevocably today that his lung would get better. We have to concentrate on his brain.

Thank you again for all the prayers!! Puh-lease do NOT stop now!!!

Love, M

Day 11

Is this really possible??? Eleven days!! Thank you all for your prayers, emails, visits, positive thoughts, food, hugs ...reality and internet ones, flowers, laughs, .... all the supportive things that have been flying my way that make it possible for me to stay "okay" and for my kids to see the love their dad has generated in his life. What a witness to them!! Thank you all so much.

Today when I got to the hospital Stan's numbers (those dreaded numbers) were pretty stable ones. His blood pressure stays persnickety....one med will work for a while and then they have to try something else, and then something else. It really wants to climb too high. It is often the reason for some pain meds or other sedation help. His oxygen is staying pretty good....but only because of the meds that calm him or ease pain....or whatever is causing him to get agitated. We did find out some rather devastating news today. They are testing all his secretions (sputnum, blood, urine, bowel) for infection. So far the only culture that has grown enough to check is the sputnum...and he has staph there. We are praying fervently that it won't be the "mercer" type (I have no idea if that is spelled correctly). He is now in "isolation" so we have to put on a gown and gloves to enter his room.

Just before that was decreed, I was in rubbing his legs. His calves and knees are so very swollen. I just know if he can feel pain, his knees are giving off plenty. The nurses are doing their best...when I told them how much he needs a pillow between them when he is on his side, they make sure to put one there. He is still being turned from side to side for his lungs. I haven't heard yet about how the collapsed one is doing. They would have to take him back for a CAT scan, I think, to give me a good clue as to whether it is improving, and that is so difficult for him.

There is no response yet, but because he keeps getting some pain meds or sedation meds, he isn't waking up enough to really respond to us. They are hoping to be able to get an EEG on Monday to show his brain activity. That will tell us more about when to expect what.

Another testimony to my wonderful family....a co worker of Angie's came to the hospital with prayers and flowers. She had never met me or Stan, but cared enough for Angie to do this. It was an interesting little event. This couple came in bearing a beautiful bouquet of the pinkest roses I've ever seen. They appeared to be looking for someone, so I asked if I could help. They were looking for the Knowltons!! We visited for at least 20 minutes. They wanted to know where we go to church.
I did invite them, but they said they go to the Korean church. I am not sure if the husband speaks English. An interesting note: they are Korean and last name is Lee. I told them Stan's "main" doctor's last name is Lee.....and he is Oriental, but I wasn't sure what nationality. Lo and behold!!! Here he comes on his day off to see me....so I told him about them and asked him...and he is also Korean. He always mentions God and / or prayer when he is talking to me.

Eric brought me a gift today. I was able to share my "fish" with everyone who came. But they were only allowed to look and hold, but NO eating!! It is a rainbow trout!! Carved from wood, painted to look more real than a real one. It even looks wet!

Uncle Don and Ramona emailed me the 23rd Psalm. I meant to read it to Stan today, but had brought my Bible in from the car to answer a trivia question for Sunday school class, and forgot to pick it back up when I left this morning, so I didn't have it to read from. I did my best to recite it. I know I didn't remember it all....but Stan and God do, so.........!

I may have mentioned yesterday that it has been suggested I sing hymns to him. I am going to leave that up to Phil, and Sara before she leaves. I am quite sure they'd kick me out and ask me to not come back if I tried it. There is enough pain and suffering in CCU already. It is not for me to cause more!!

I don't know what more to tell you. He is still with us, not responding yet, is on the ventilator, feeding tube, cathetar, cooling blanket, and a couple of jillion tubes and wires that are doing their best to fix him for me. It is hard to see him so still. It is hard to not feel his hand squeeze mine. It is especially hard to not hear his voice.....so all of you give your spouses and children and friends.........a great big hug, and tell them how much you love them!!! I got a wonderful email today from a special gal in my life that I want to share. She always seems to know just what to say. She was always blessing me with her prayers and scriptures during and after I lost Julie. It always amazes me that the youngest member of my wedding party has such wisdom and love. For almost my entire 48 years of marriage she has remained a five year old in my mind!!!

I'll attach it here...............and say good night now. All my love, M (Molly, I hope you don't mind my sharing!!)

Madeline, your hospital family reminds me of 1^st Peter when he says, “And above all things, have fervent love among yourselves.” People all over the hospital are seeing love at work. This is so important. Love is the greatest virtue, according to 1^st Corinthians 13. And love is the greatest command, the Lord Jesus says in Matthew 22 (“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”)

And you are seeing that love is the greatest testimony. It’s not your neatly ironed blouse or the car you drive that’s making all those people at the hospital sit up and take notice. They’re waking up and seeing that you guys really ARE the church of Christ. They’re seeing you love God and they’re seeing you love others. And nothing can motivate a lost sinner like the heartfelt love of Jesus. I’m praying you’ll all draw upon the grace and strength of God to keep this up.

And I'm praying for Stan, my dear friend.

Best love,

Molly

Day 10

Numbers! Numbers everywhere!! I'm not sure if I ever want to see a number again............ ONLY if they're good ones! Some numbers make me happy, and some make me scared!! (The ones on the scales make me feel guilty!)

Stan's numbers this morning were horrible.

His oxygen levels were so low that his room was a buzz with medical people trying to bring them up. They finally had to paralyze him and sedate him again. The nurses now have standing orders to use their judgement for this....they don't have to call the doctor each time he needs them. They are NOT leaving him in a "coma" like state however. Each time is temporary to get his numbers under control...and only if nothing else seems to work.

I left the area for less than five minutes to get a cup of coffee and missed a visitor. Fortunately, the only other time I left all day was to check out the gift shop with a friend who found it open when she came. It was closed so we went right back up and within ONE minute Stan's "choreographer" doctor (main one over all the others) came to talk to me. So it was a blessing that the shop was closed. (I needed a b'day card....)

The doctor told me that Stan was worse that morning, but was a teeny tiny bit better this afternoon. He once again emphasized that it is his lungs that are the big concern right now, and that I MUST take this one HOUR at a time.

There were lots of things going on....he wanted blood draws from a vein and an artery, but one tube thing wouldn't work for three different "vampires" (that's my sister's name for them, not mine!)...and finally the doctor had to settle for just the one draw, because they couldn't even find a vein to prick. They do chest x-rays each morning....and I was told that today's was worse than yesterday's. But the doctor said the x-ray has a lag time...and that it was showing really what yesterday's condition was. A very large machine was wheeled into Stan's room....moving Brian and me way back in a corner. It was for doing ultra sound on Stan's legs to check for clots. PTL there were no clots there. We also learned that the scans from Thursday of head and chest showed "no changes in his brain swelling or bleeding, and NO clots in his lungs." There is a procedure they will do to keep any leg clots from zipping up to those critical areas...brain, lung, and heart....but don't want to do it as a preventative if there are no leg clots. I am very pleased with the care Stan is getting. I am being told by several people that they are seeing ads on TV that this is THE hospital to be in if you have a stroke. So God really does bless before we even know we need something. Stan would have been in a different hospital but it was full the day he had his stroke.

I am being well cared for, too. Friends and my kids make sure I am fed. Rick Elliott went to Costco to get me some fresh pineapple and came back with his little granddaughter eating a Costco hotdog. I said that was one of my favorite foods....he was going to run right back and get me one. I convinced him not to, but when I was telling the story to another friend she wouldn't take NO for an answer, so I had my hotdog anyway. Rick did pick up my pictures for me. Brian had left them for developing, and then I didn't get Brian called, so he went for them, too. So you see...all I have to do is "think" of something, and someone is running to do it! (pretty neat pix of my T. Day dinner and our family portrait taken in the cafeteria!!)

I keep meeting with others who have loved ones in this CCU unit. There is a family who's member got very sick on his first day of an Alaska vacation...and has been in CCU for seven weeks. Yesterday they asked where I went to church. After observing how loving this group of Christians are, they want to attend there on Sunday!

The pulmonary doctor came later in the day and told me that the right lower lobe of Stan's right lung had collapsed. He even showed my friend Kathy and me the scans from the day before. To get it to re-inflate they are now placing Stan on his side for four hours at a time (each side...rotating him ). Please pray for this to work so that they don't have to do something more invasive to accomplish what needs to be done.

When I left the hospital his number were all pretty good. His blood pressure was up a little, but being attended to.

He has not "officially" responded to any command since surgery. His eyes have not opened since the day in the ER, but he is still very much with us and it IS day TEN!

All of you are very important to us.....I am saving all your emails to share with him, and we keep a list of visitors. We are very blessed.

Love, M

Day 9 Thanksgiving!

This will be a little different because I wrote it in response to a friend's email. There was a letter attached to his that his daughter wrote and it was such a beautiful letter, I had to send it to everyone. I am trying to edit out the little bit of "family" stuff she wrote and just leave the inspirational part. Enjoy... I am off to the hospital to see my guy. It has to be a BETTER day!!! Love, M

What an incredibly beautiful letter!! When I get my pictures developed I just may send her one.
I need to write my update for today, but I first have decided to describe "dinner" to you here.

The kids changed their minds (these are BOYS!!! ) and decided they were going to COOK dinner. Andy is a great one for cooking...and has cooked a turkey in hot peanut oil in other years. They said they were going to have a "tail gate party" at the hospital. They brought their propane stove, set it up in the parking lot, and proceeded to cook. Turkey, mashed spuds, gravy, corn, AND dressing. It was delicious, but here is all the best stuff. First, my lovely granddaughters ages 13, 15, and 15 made cookies, 3 kinds of pumpkin pie, an apple pie, and a pear pie. I had never had a pear pie before and it was delicious!! Angie made her yummy cranberry salad and had cooked the ham I had purchased. Deryl and Kelly (our minister and his wife) brought two pies, a home made jello salad, and a home made seven layer salad. Grace tells me that her girls AND Luke (age 2) made the rolls. They brought olives, cranberry sauce, etc..... also cans of spray whipped cream. They had a large cooler full of different beverages. Mark and his girls brought by some of Laura's rolls earlier, too.

The guys (my boys) went shopping and bought a paper table cloth, plates, dessert plates, and cups all matching with beautiful fall colored leaves AND plastic silver ware (heee heee an oxymoron!!) that was orange spoons, yellow forks, and brown knives....and I sure hope NO ONE reads this who was there, because I could surely be wrong on which color was which!!

My lovely gals (granddaughters) set up tables in the hospital cafeteria (they had permission) and spread the table cloth over them and arranged the dishes, cups, silverware, and napkins. OH...did I mention Napkins??? They matched, too.

We gathered around the table in a large circle and Andy asked God's blessing on the food and Stan. We had other tables pulled together for our sit down dinner.
Talk about a loving family and lovely dinner!!!

There was much visiting and laughter, and then my friend Kathy came in (she had been invited, but thought she was coming AFTER dinner!! The cooking slowed things down for us.) She visited with us and then when I said I had all six of my children there and wished I hadn't run out of film so that I coud get a pix of all six together....a pretty RARE event ... she organized a photo shoot. She checked all kids and found Brian had brought his camera. It is digital so has a lot of space for photos. She moved chairs out of the way, set up a good background, organized us into a decent pose position, and Voila!!! A family photo to put by Stan's bed when he opens his eyes!

She and the kids cleaned it all up while I sat. Amazing, isn't it!!!

We were at the beginning of the cafeteria, the cafeteria was serving free dinners all afternoon, and when doctors, nurses, and patient's families would come to eat, they would see our spread and think that was it. We never hesitated to invite them. We had tons of food. When all was "said and done" we had a pumpkin pie that had Not been cut, so we took it, along with "silver" ware, dessert plates, napkins, canned whipped cream, etc.to the CCU nurses' station.(Kathy's suggestion). The nurses were overjoyed.

It would have been the MOST perfect T. day ever, if only Stan had been with us, instead of fighting for his life four floors up.

I guess I'll go ahead and try to write the report here and then cut and paste to others.

I got there early and found my guy "much worse." His lungs are really sick. The neurosurgeon had ordered a CAT scan of his head, but they could not get his lungs stable enough to stand the trip to the radiation unit. The pulmonary doctor arrived, told them to shut off certain meds that were likely to counteract with some others he was getting. Then he told the nurses to re-paralyze Stan....and to get him some sedative, so he could make the trip to the radiation area and get a CAT scan of his lungs....and of course, his head, too, while there.

We were advised that a clot would cause VERY serious complications because the treatment for a clot is blood thinners, and there was NO WAY Stan could be given a blood thinner.

When I learned that I probably would not be able to see a doctor the rest of that day, and that it would be tomorrow before getting to see the scans results...we gave the nurse my cell phone number, and went to enjoy the big spread above.

When we went back up to CCU, we weren't able to get any news at first, but he was calmed down from the scan excursion. Near time that we are "kicked out" while the shift change happens, I was shown on the computer that the scans had been read and "interpreted" and entered into the computer. We haven't talked to a doctor yet, for their official diagnosis...but according to the nurse and computer, their is NO clot. This is a very guarded "hooray."

Before leaving for the night, we took our turns at telling Stan good night. While in there, his cooling blanket wasn't working and his temp was going up. Two large women nurses moved him around.....literally rolling him way over to each side, in the attempt to fill the cooling blanket or remove it to fill. They finally got it out from under him, filled it with water, and had so much fun with it. (I am sitting here laughing at myself!! Where in the world that last sentence came from...NOBODY knows!! I don't think they had fun with it!! I fell asleep typing! Decided to leave it in to give you a chuckle!)

They left the blanket on top of him for the evening. Maybe that was fun....heehee... Stan would say, "You're getting silly, go to bed."

Basically, I might as well. I am not sure what else I might type in my sleep. Our day ended with the kids following me up the hill and getting the fabric I had purchased to make Christmas outfits for my girls. Since I do not see any possibility of my sewing them, they are going to do it. They are so very talented, and Cheri went home to Grace and Andy's with them to help.

Most days, because he can only have two visitors at a time and we weren't allowed to touch or talk to him, I have been out in the waiting room greeting visitors and telling whatever I know of Stan's prognosis...and just going in about once every hour or two to check on him throughout the day....and letting others have a turn visiting him. Today was so scary, I spent most of it in his room. Please pray especially for his lungs. His brain we will deal with later!!! Thank you!!

Love, M

Dearest Family,

Y'all are on my mind this a.m. as we gather mostly in seperate places to celebrate and give thanks to God for his goodness to us.

Jodi and I are headed to Oakland in an hour or so, looking forward to meeting the baby of the family, Noah. Counting on some good fun, great food, and sweet fellowship. Kevin, Jenni, Trevin and Kaden get to come for part of the day.

Jamie and Jeff and four other guys are doing a make-over on a house in Camalu, Mexico for a mom and six kids.

Here's my verses for the day.

Psalm 16: 5 & 6 "Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."

I am ever so grateful that God loves me and cares about my concerns and wants to use me (of all things) to make His name more well-known and admired.

I'm wondering what you are most grateful for today.

love, Ilene

Hey. I hope to get some pics today and post them online. Would love to see what your thanksgiving looks like.

Day 8

Hi All...Just saying "day 8" is a blessing. There were days when day 8 was a remote possibility. We are no where near out of the woods yet, but each day is a blessing. j

The internal doctor, who I learned today is the choreographer of the entire care unit for Stan, said we can have cautious optimism. Then he emphasized that Stan is still very sick and is still critical. (Stan has only criticized me ONE time in my life which he quickly retracted....he can't be called "critical." )

He is off all "coma" causing meds, but may take 3 to 5 days to wake up. However, he is "involuntarily" moving even his left side that was unable to function the day of the stroke. WOW!!

Until he "wakes up" we won't know what his mental abilities will be like. But I do know we have a powerful God!!

Our support team is in FULL force. Another WOW!

The pulmonary doctor who talked to me today said that his lungs are still very sick, BUT that they are WAY BETTER than they were two days ago. PTL

I have been asked how this all started.... so for those who haven't heard, Stan and I were having a very leisurely start to our day. I had been up for hours but was still lounging in my cute new PJ's (Eeyore! from the Disney store in Tulsa!!). We hadn't eaten yet. Stan had dressed.....in some horribly paint stained jeans and his ONLY T shirt that had no stains or holes. We were sitting at the table visiting, and about 9 he said he better take his morning pills. I heard him in the kitchen dropping pills, so I went in to pick them up. (He had been having quite a bit of trouble with Atrial Fibrillation, had gone through two cardio versions to correct this, and was on heavy doses of coumadin blood thinner.) I was "chiding" him that we needed to figure out a new way for him to get his pills ready to take, as he often would drop one now and then. But he KEPT dropping them, and then I observed him kind of drooling. I asked him if he were going to throw up. He said he didn't think so, but wasn't sure. I sat down on the floor to find the rest of his dropped pills....sat, so I could look "sideways" across the floor to see if I had missed any....didn't want the cat eating them!!

I glanced over and saw him attempting to pick one up near the sink, when all of a sudden he came crashing down. I thought he had lost his balance, but he was having a hard time trying to get back up. I told him to please not worry about pills, that I would get them. By then I was getting pretty suspicious, I got him to sit on the floor and not try to get up and I tried to get Brian (next door...touching houses...) I came back in (there is a deck off the kitchen attached to the other house) and found Stan on his knees trying to get up again. I finally convinced him to please stay down. I got him the couch cushions to lie on, and got Brian, who promptly called 911 ..... do this first, do not follow my example. Fortunately all my blundering was probably no more than five minutes. The paramedics were there within 15 to 20 minutes. Weirdly, this was exactly one year and two days from the very first time I had ever called them....only that time was for mom.

They managed to get Stan down our circular stairway and into the ambulance. Brian rode with him, and I came shortly in the car. (That is another story!! I found it under four inches of snow, and then an inch of ice that had to be scraped from every window.) By the time I arrived, he already had a CAT scan. AND his T shirt had been cut off him....but the pants were removed intact. C' la vie!!

That is basically our day from start to ER. I did have him smile...his face was crooked, try to squeeze my hand....he couldn't with his left hand. He was talking to me coherently. There is a poster....F have the person smile to see if the Face is uneven
A have him lift both Arms over the head
S do his answers to questions make Sense
T time....call 911 promptly!!

Remember it....who knows when you may need it!!!

I won't tell you all the trauma I had today....no nurse in evidence for over an hour at first and his BP numbers high and oxygen number low....Not seeing a doctor and then being told I needed to hang out in the patient's room and wait rather than wait in the waiting area. (I had been told that Stan needed to have very limited to non existant stimulus, I chose to sit in the waiting area and greet and keep visitors informed, and just go in now and then.)

Oh well.... That was to "catch" the neurosurgeon....not Dr. Lee or Dr. Madden...they are always available to me. Both have told me to page them anytime.

Stan had coughing episodes that looked like choking and started all kinds of "bells and whistles" to go off while I was alone with him in his room. That is a scary feeling! When help did come, he promptly "showed" them just what he had done by repeating it, bells and whistles and all. After the nurse cleared his airways she swabbed his mouth to keep it moist, and gently eased his tongue back into place, which he promptly stuck back out. Interesting....they "played" this way at least three times. I think the nurse "won."

Numbers come and numbers go...but mostly his were good today, and when they did get out of whack, they were "fixed." My very very sweet friend has kept me informed way over the top with her knowledge and ability to ask the right questions. Plus, she is a "good witness" when I know I am right!!! There have been a couple of times ...like asking the nurse to change his tape (his resperator hose is kind of taped in place and it was getting grunchy looking and slipped down almost into his mouth.) (That sounds awful, but they are taking good care of him!) She told us it had been changed the day before and that the tube was now on the other side of his mouth. We knew better, but it was good to have each other to confirm what we KNEW. It did get changed!! It had been dated Nov. 16...so, sorry, but WE were right. She has told me I am Stan's MOUTH, and must speak up. Boy am I learning a lot!!

Again... they are super nurses, and I have a lot of confidence in his doctors....... With God in the mix, how can we miss!!!

I better get to bed.....The kids are having Carrs / Safeway cater us a T. day dinner at the hospital. And we will be together.

Again.............thank you for your emails, prayers, and love!!
M

Day 7

Hi... It was a pretty "eventful" day....
When I got to the hospital and saw Stan....he had his "hat " off and the fiberoptic pressure guage had been removed. There are two rows of staples on his shaved head. He still had (and has) the tube in his mouth that is the ventilator to do his breathing. He has been detached and turned off from things as they attempt to wake him up. By evening he still wasn't really responding much, but the night nurse did say she had got some movement from his left foot and hand.....which is exciting, since that is the side the stroke affected. The xray of his abdomen the day before showed no blockage and finally about noon and again at four, his innards did their "responding." The neurologist showed me both CAT scans four and five (one a few hours before surgery, the other the day after surgery...but I hadn't seen either of those yet) and there was just a very miniscule amount of improvement. This was what I had been told, and now I saw it. But a tiny bit of improvement or NO change is GOOD. Any amount of "worse" is BAD. So I'll take the tiny amount of improvement!!!

They have assured me that waking up can take time...even days.

I missed Dr. Lee (internal med) and Dr. Tolbert (neurosurgeon) in the morning, but had an actual "date" with Dr. Madden (neurologist) showed me the scans. Later....about six p.m. Dr. Lee sat down with me and everyone who was there at the time and told us what is going on for now and said we had to still only take his prognosis hour by hour. He told us that Stan has pneumonia.....and that his lungs were now as much the concern as his brain. My friend had already determined for me (again, her knowledge of what questions to ask) that his lungs were infected. But she said anyone with the ventilator for that long is almost guaranteed to "grow bugs." She said his lungs have absorbed fluid as have most of his tissues....face, hands, etc...from all the fluid they are forcing in him to keep his circulatory system working....so that they are now like wet sponges....making an excellent place for a "bug" to grow.

Dr. Lee emphasized that we are not out of the woods, that Stan is very sick. In fact, he said he now has four doctors that are "his," indicating that he is very sick.....even saying the reason he sees Stan so early in the morning is because he is his sickest patient so he sees him first. It is reassuring that they are so attentive to his needs, but the opposite, knowing that he has such "needs."

Dr. Lee told me that if I had not been seen by either him or Dr. Madden by 2 p.m. each day that I was to tell the nurses, "Dr. Lee told me to have you page him." He said that he didn't tell that to everyone...just us. So no more of this waiting to see a doctor who "escapes" out the back door. (I haven't seen Dr. Tolbert or his weekend "on call" guy since right after surgery. Of course, who can blame him for avoiding that obnoxious female who allowed her cell phone to ring the entire time he talked to her!) (I don't think he is avoiding me...but I don't know WHY I haven't seen him.)

The support remains so high.....someone is always coming to check....church and work friends...and bringing food, food, food!!! Wow! And even more important, love, love, love.

I have been getting acquainted with others who have loved ones in the CCU....one gal told me her brother has been there for seven weeks. He was here on vacation from Nebraska....so family members have been taking turns coming to Anchorage to support him....staying in a motel and renting a car, etc.

As to Stan, I have been told several times that his will be a long long recovery time.....no matter how good the outcome. Right from day one, Dr. Lee has advised me to not think "future" but to concentrate on each hour. So how wonderful to know that literally all over the world, he is being prayed for....each hour!

I need to get ready to go to the hospital....it is now Wednesday morning. I just can't stay awake to type at night when I get home.
Cheri and Pete are changing their tickets to stay because we don't really know yet what "tomorrow" will bring....and they have the same strong desire as the rest of us to be here WHEN he wakes up.

We thank God for each day Stan is still here, for all of you...whether physically by our side or here thru the internet and phone, or here thru other friends and relatives. Stan (and I ) have an incredible support network. GOD and YOU!! Thank you.

Love, M

Day 6

Dear dear friends and family....

They did a CAT scan of Stan about ten this morning (Tuesday). I stil haven't seen it, but I have received two rather conflicting reports. Stan's nurse told me he saw the scan and it showed improvement. The neurologist talked to me and indicated it showed no change.....which is also good, in that things in his brain weren't worse. I am hoping to see it today (Tuesday).

His pressure numbers have held steadily good all day and so he was taken off the drug that was making him paralyzed. He will be kept heavily sedated for perhaps two more days, so we won't get much response from him even if he can now move. It also may take a day or two for the paralysis drug to leave his system, so for now he remains in a very still, dependant state. He is still on the breathing ventilator, for instance. His doctor tells me he is still VERY sick. They have stopped feeding him through the tube until they resolve some stomach problems.

I was aware of some puffiness in his face in the evening, but my friend tells us this is normal for what is going on.

I don't have any "great" news, but not devastating news at this time either. Hmmmm....great news is that I can now hold his hand quietly.

Cute news is that his nurse, Anne, wasn't getting fresh with Pete when she came into the room and said, "Pedro, my love".........(Stan has often called Pete, Pedro.) She was talking to the nurse she was relieving....that's his name. However, when Pete turned around to see who was "addressing him" she told him she could gaze into his eyes forever, but then she wouldn't get any work done!

I am off to see what today brings.

Love, M

Nov 19, 2007

Hi... I just wrote an email for today and attached it to yesterday's that didn't "go" but for some reason what I just typed disappeared when I hit send.

Mostly I just said that today was quiet again from an observer's view point, but then I learned that Stan is feeling pain, but that he just can't show that he is. They are keeping him heavily sedated and giving him fentenol, so that it shouldn't be too severe. I certainly hope and pray it isn't. They were upping his fentenol this morning and I asked why he had a pain med.

I also told you about his nurse, Anne. She is from Belgium. She was his very first nurse, and was caring for him again this afternoon. She was impressed with all the food the church is bringing, and commented that maybe she better attend there. I was telling her how welcome she is, when someone piped up and said we take meals to members who are sick. She said that leaves her out because she is never sick. I told her she could get meals if she had a baby. She turned around and "ran" and was so flustered it took her three times to punch in her code to get back into the CCU unit. LOL

The neurosurgeon did not come by today .... we were expecting him, so I am assuming he had an emergency. He is the doctor on call for the weekend. He said "NO" to the waking up today. There is a CAT scan ordered for tomorrow.

I guess I am getting "rummy" ... I really can't think clearly. I'll try to do better tomorrow.

Love, M

Nov 18?

Dear ALL..... (for some reason my server will not send....so this may not get sent in a timely manner...sorry.)

I do appreciate your prayers and the prayers of all the saints around the nation who are praying for Stan. He is in very loving hands....those of our heavenly Father, our family, our friends, and his medical staff.....What more could I ask! I cherish the visits and emails. Be assured I have read every one, and will write to each of you individually when I can.

Saturday was kind of "uneventful" and that could be called good, I guess. He is so heavily sedated and chemically paralyzed so that we cannot touch or talk to him as he must have no stimulus. We do not have a timeline for how long he will be kept in the coma like state. He is so still....but all his numbers are good. And believe me....he has NUMBERS. Numbers for everything imaginable and then some MORE. We had fewer visitors at one time, but a steady stream throughout the day....bearing cards, flowers, food, prayers, and love.

Occasionally those around will hear us doing a lot of laughter....like when our good friend asked his nurse if she was his only patient! So I asked the nurse if he was taking good care of her. Of course, my friend meant..."was HE her only patient!"

Another rather "humorous" event actually took place without my being aware until much later. I don't carry a cell phone, but I have Stan's with me all the time now....and it was in my pocket while the surgeon was telling us how the surgery went Friday evening. There were more than 30 people gathered around. The next day I learned that many couldn't hear him because someone's cell phone kept ringing. Someone said to me, "That is why he kept talking louder." Well... I guess you can figure out WHO'S cell phone was ringing!! The weird thing is, I did NOT even hear it! It usually makes me jump out of my skin when my "pocket goes off."

I am blessed with also having "Friends in court".....people who are in the medical field. One good friend went with me to see him, and asked questions that I didn't even know were something to ask about!! She asked the nurse if they were going to "lighten" Stan, and the nurse answered that they usually do a "sedation vacation" about every 24 hours. NOW I know to ask if and when they might do this. We thought maybe last night, but the night nurse said they usually do it around 8 in the morning, but aren't sure just how soon they'll do it to Stan. It means bringing him out of the "coma" just enough to get a twitch response to a small stimulus like a pin prick...and then putting immediately back into the "coma" state. They would not even bring him "out" enough to know I was there, etc.

I'll be back home late tonight....no computer until then.

Love, M

Nov 17?

Hi All....What a blessing you all are. Your emails are very loving.
Stan is in Alaska Regional in CCU.

We are all scared, but I am trusting in the Lord, and you would be absolutely amazed at the support and love being sent to me because of Stan. There is rarely less than 30 people in the waiting room through out the day. Guys he apprenticed, church family, our kids, etc.... and 3 pages of emails when I got home last night. I tried to write something generic to send but couldn't stay awake, so now it is time for me to get...but I will try to write a quick update.

He is chemically paralyzed so that he cannot move and heavily sedated so that he cannot be aware of things, and has a breathing machine that does the work for him....there are more "bells and whistles" ...i.e. tubes and wires...than I have ever seen. He has a nurse to himself while in this condition. She was very sweet last night. She explained most of the machines and their functions to me. When they finally had him settled in his room, we were each allowed to go in and see him...two by two...just like Noah and ark! We were not allowed to touch or talk...they want as little stimulation as possible so the swelling in his brain will go down. They removed the large clot. He has some kind of a pressure guage in his head to monitor the swelling. The number for that went down from 30 (way higher than the surgeaon wanted) to 1 and 0 as we took turns going in to see him before going home last night. This is pretty miraculous....so we are not without hope. This is kind of a "nutshell" account....

The CAT scan yesterday showed no larger bleed than the day before but there was added pressure....so they decided to do surgery about 3 yesterday...and had him in the OR by 4....It was 8 when he arrived back in his room and 9 before we saw the doctor. At that time there were 32 people waiting and praying plus several who had to leave earlier. Three different families brought food to that waiting area...enough for all the "fans" and we were well fed. This is going to happen throughout. (Subway sands, chips, bottled water, oranges, cinnemon rolls, etc....)

He knew who we were before the surgery even tho he wasn't really responding verbally. He would wiggle his right foot when I would ask him to do that if he knew "so and so" was there. Each time he would wiggle. I am hoping to write a lot of the comments from his friends down when I can think and sit long enough.
Love, M

Nov 16, 2007

For those of you who may not know, Stan had a stroke Wednesday morning. This email is an update on how he is doing today.

Hi All....Today's news is NOT good. I wish with all my heart I could email something better. I didn't really notice much change in Stan this morning, but when I talked to the doctor after his CAT scan today, and then when a friend here who works in the radiation dept. showed Pete, Andy, and me the three scans....things are not good. The doctor told me that this scan showed things had got much worse, that the bleeding hadn't stopped. When I tried to ask him some questions about future possibilities, he was very frank about right now we need to concentrate on today and not think about the future. He emphasized that Stan is VERY sick, and even said there is a 50% or more chance he will not survive. Dave (a young man we have known our entire Alaska life) does MRIs at the hospital Stan is in) took Andy, Pete, and me to his office and showed us the three scans on his computer. The first one when we got to the ER shows a very small bleed that is pushing into the right ventrical. The second showed the bleed about twice as large and pushing much more into the ventrical. The third scan taken today about 11a.m. shows the bleed area is more than three times larger than the second scan and the right ventrical is almost non existant. It does not appear as though they have managed to get the bleeding stopped. Stan's mental acuity seems to be sharp. He is not confused about time or space. When asked where he is, he not only answers correctly, but names the hospital. When asked the date he knows it.

He still does not have the use of his left side, cannot swallow or open his eyes. They are talking about putting in a feeding tube tomorrow. He seems to be sleeping a lot. It was much harder to get any response out of him this evening, but I did persist just before I had to leave, and he did say, "I love you."

Pete got here about 4 this afternoon, and Cheri and Sara will be here about midnight - thirty. There were many friends and all the family at the hospital during the day. He is a very loved guy.

I really appreciate all the prayers and loving emails. Thank you.

Love, M