Day 73

Laura (Motsinger) Smith took Cheri and me out to lunch at a neat little cafe. We had good food, good company, and a very good time. Pete stayed with Stan while we "played" and Cannon and Isaac stayed home and caught up on sleep.

It was an emotional day of misunderstandings and I hope "straightenings out".... Stan did bump his head on Wednesday, but I found out that he was given some strong narcotic pain meds that morning, too. They probably account for the slurred speech and droopy mouth.

I will be so glad to get him home so I can get MORE sleep!! Friends at church have offered a hospital bed for his use, so I just need to clear a space for it. The only tube Stan still has is the feeding tube, and I have no fear of it. It would be an easy way to give him his meds....instead of having him try to swallow them.

It is Saturday morning and I need to get going. I was too tired to write last night....we didn't leave the hospital until almost midnight.

Yesterday was another day of clearing at least six inches of the white stuff off the car before leaving. I don't think there is any today!!

Our neighbor used his plow to clear a lot of the driveway and what he couldn't get to, Brian used the snow blower on...so we are in great shape until the next snow fall.

Andy did bring his dad some moose gravy and mashed spuds, along with some finely chopped (VERY finely chopped) moose meat. Stan loved it. Then John H. brought him some chocolate pudding (and a beautiful myrtle wood bowl!) and Kathy finished off the evening with chocolate ice cream. He may gain weight lying there in bed!! (Someone left him a Hershey bar on the TV shelf and he still has a couple of truffles.)

Please don't feed the patient when visiting, however.

There is a beautiful waning moon peeking in my front window at 8:30 this morning. It looks like " 'Twas the Night Before Christmas" poem outside.

Love, M

Day 72

Hooray,hooray...I found the package today!!!

Thank you, Reggie, for some really neat stuff. But you know
"you shouldn't have." I plan to take a picture of Stan wearing
the hat, scarf, and with the shirt draped over him!!

I am going to send this update to you first...and then to the
"rest of the world." I just got home and it is pretty late already.

I spent the morning "fielding" helpful suggestions....by phone and
email...and I really appreciated them all!! I also called the
postmaster's office again, and the lady who answered even called
me by name....!! She was going to check to see who delivered it
and call me back...but I haven't heard from her. I'll need to call
again tomorrow to let her know the lost is found.

On the way to the hospital, I stopped at the mailbox area to talk
to the postman who was delivering right then. I told him that the
package was signed for as delivered, but we couldn't find it. I
also told him that my son had found a "package'sa.....OH dear,
there I go again!!! I was asleep ....

He had found a KEY to a package box, but it wouldn't fit any of them.
Soooooo, he put the key in the outgoing slot for the mailman to get it.

After trying everything else, the mailman today said he had one more
place to look. Then he took off toward the end of the long row of metal
mail boxes. earte (there I go again!! Yawn)

Clear at the end of the row...ours is next to the last at the other end....
he stepped behind the row and there in 'not so plain sight' was another
set of package boxes. AND with his trusty little master key... Voila!!
The package. It was supposed to be delivered to the house (express mail)
but was stuck in a box we didn't even know existed! All's well that ends
well!! And thank you all for your suggestions, and even prayers. I needed
them. It was really bugging me, and I knew that Reggie was anxious for
Stan to have it. He will be the best dressed Super Bowl watcher in Alaska!!

Also today, Katrina got her package, too!! (And brought it in to show Papa!!
and G'ma.) Another friend (thank you, Bill!!) saw in an update that our
granddaughter was a huge Packers fan and sent her ONE COOL box of
Brett Favre things!! Now if only it were the Packers playing the Patriots
in the Super Bowl...would we ever have fun!!

And one more THANK YOU...my friend from Tulsa Cancer Center sent
some natural remedy for Stan's clots....and it arrived, too!! Thank you,
Audrey!! Wow...we are so blessed to have such a massive and wonderful
support group. All your visits, emails, prayers, cards, etc.... I can't begin
to tell you how much encouragement they give to Stan and to me. Won't
heaven be wonderful when we can see you all and give you the hugs we
have for you....I hope we can give hugs there!!!

I do have three prayer requests for you, please. One is the OT. Her name
is Janie, and maybe this prayer request is for me. I need a better attitude
when I am around her. She even pushed my friend Sondra's hand away from
trying to help Stan yesterday. Two: Bob Bowers five year old grandson has a
rare cancer....Bob and Connie need our prayers, along with Darian and his
parents! and Three: my friend Bart lost his brother and has asked for prayers
for his sister in law.

I know we could all list many more, but these three are on my heart right
now, so I thought I'd let you share the need. Thank you.

I need to get to bed pretty soon...before I make any more weird mistakes
in my sleep. I have to get to the (I have to tell you....I almost typed airport!!
I SAY airport more than half the time!!) hospital early tomorrow to help give
Stan a shower. He has his OWN shower now, right in his room!!! I do not like
the sling thing, tho. I am pretty sure it hurt him last time.

He was pretty sleepy today, and also still has kind of slurred speech. We did
learn today that they gave him some pretty strong pain meds and I can't help
but wonder???? I had requested that they stick to tylenol during the day, and
give him the stronger stuff at night if needed...as it makes him sleepy. I didn't
get a good answer as to why he had vicodan this morning.

He did eat 100% of his lunch and his dinner. It is pureed...Pete said that is
due to his request so he doesn't have to chew because it tires him out so much.
But I'm not sure, because that wouldn't cause him to be put back on thick liquids. I'll try to see Maria tomorrow and ask.

We are a LOOONNGG way from the ice machine in the new room! (Also, the
coffee pot! Good thing I don't drink much coffee and Stan drinks NONE.) There
is a really nice "family" room at the end of each floor. There is a "visitors" rest
room a little closer here than the one downstairs.

We will be getting our exercise now. It is quite a hike to his room and a "tall"
stairway for those who need the work out. I like the stairs, even tho my knees
hurt. I consistently beat the elevator by minutes. I am pretty sure it is the
slowest elevator in existance. And this is a brand new facility!!

I had to leave Stan for awhile today. Cheri stayed with him, while I dropped
Pete at the chiropractors and took Isaac to Costco for an eye exam and contacts.
He, Cannon, and I had lunch there afterward (love those Polish dogs!) ....and
then had to clean the car off before driving back to the hospital...because that
white stuff was falling again. One thing Stan is getting to miss....driving in the
snow!!

Friends at church have offered a hospital bed, and I do need to start getting
serious about preparations to bring Stan home. I'm not sure just what I'll need,
but have been trying to "dream up" an invention that I can use to lift him by
myself. Any ideas???

John and Paula got a LONG DISTANCE phone call while visiting tonight....from
Scott in Afghanistan!! Now that is LONG DISTANCE!! (For those who don't
know...Paula is Stan's brother Danny's wife's sister! heehee...lots of 's there,
but how would YOU say it?? We've known Paula since she was a little squirt...
and now attend church with her in Alaska...small world, huh!)

While Stan slept, Grace had the two little ones in the family room, Pete, Andy,
Cheri, and 3 big grandkids shopped, John, Paula, Kathy, and I sat in a circle and
pondered the mysteries of certain Bible questions. Kathy is keeping our minds
nimble with her desire to learn.


The aides came in and did all sorts of poking and prodding...and Stan slept
on...that is why I am wondering about meds!!

Cheri massaged his feet and Isaac massaged his neck at the same time...and
then he really went to sleep!!

Grace and Andy brought in a crock pot of home made potato soup and some
fresh bread from Fred's....what a treat. They set it up in the cafeteria area
downstairs, and while Stan slept, we ate. Then I went back up and did get him
awake enough to eat his dinner. (Luke and Cannon are so cute....loving Papa
and giving him five!)

I hope this wasn't too much about the rest of us.... instead of JUST Stan....

Love, M

day 71

Well... today was different!! Stan got moved...AGAIN! This time upstairs! He is out of ICU now and into a "regular" room at St. Elias. That is because his trach is out and he is off many of the support things. He still has his feeding tube in his stomach, but only gets it at night. Daytime he get three meals a day. He is back on pureed foods and nectar thick juices. I am not sure just why....but I think someone said he had choked on some water.

St. Elias is NEW and the upstairs rooms are just now being opened for use. All the rooms are nice and very spacious. The view from the windows is woodsy on the back side (we were promised MOOSE, but haven't seen any yet) and the front view is another step down care facility with a view of the Chugach mountains behind it. I think we might be able to see our house (our area at least) from the upstairs front windows. We are just a block behind several new hotels and restaurants and across a main thorough fare from Home Depot and Lowes. We had a beautiful sunset out of Stan's new window tonight.

He is in room 214 and his new phone number is 564-3854.

Brian brought their electric massager tonight and worked on Stan's shoulders and neck. He had been asking for it, so Brian left it (behind the TV) so we could use it during the day on Stan.

A big mystery has evolved here. On Jan. 18 ...last Friday...we had a meeting scheduled with the case manager and others. Cheri fell down the steps that day on our way to the meeting and we ended up leaving her and Isaac at the ER of the Native Hospital. Angie and Brian were home, but Brian may have left right after we did. At 1:11 p.m. there is a record of a package being signed for here at our house. Angie is the only one I haven't been able to check with yet. The friend who sent the package had told me the tracking showed it was delivered. I called the Post Office head guy to day and his office faxed me a copy of the signature...I do NOT recognize it at all...in fact, can't really read it. I don't like mysteries unless they are solved (and have happy endings). The package is to ME but is for Stan....it would be nice to find it.

Stan ate pretty good but of course it was "easy" stuff since there was NO chewing. Chewing really wears him out. He did get quite a work over today, besides getting moved, so he worried me a little. His mouth seemed droopy and his speech was "thick." Tonight seemed a bit better. I hope he sleeps well!!

Kathy brought him a frozen chocolate yogurt.... he did tell her he liked Andy's frozen custard yesterday better..........it was the "real" thing, and Kathy was trying to bring him a goody....without the goody part. (it was fat free...maybe sugar sub??). But he ate it all and kept saying how very good it was. He wouldn't have admitted the other, but she asked!!

Stan and a couple of the male aides do have fun together. James told him today that HE makes it fun to come to work!!

Love, M

Day 70

Even I am impressed by that number!!!

It is easy to forget the "big picture" when you are living so close to it every day. His nurse tonight is Dave....who hasn't been here since his first few days. When I said something about Stan's talking, he was surpised he COULD talk. Believe me! Talk, he can do!!

Today Stan was "beat up" "pummeled" "pushed this way and that" "thrown around like a rag doll" etc...these are his words. I think he does feel that way....some of it could be done much gentler, but mostly it is done with care by caring persons. But to be helpless and have to endure whatever is dished out must be difficult. Especially for someone used to DOING things.

I did notice a difference in the tone of the OTs voice and mannerisms shortly after I arrived in his room today. That made me glad and sad. We have heard the way some of the employees speak of other patients, and wonder how they speak of Stan in our absense. Many of them seem to really like him and do treat him with such wonderful gentleness and care....and joke with him, etc. I don't know what to think. I did suggest he try to endure the OT and not respond with negative comments...in order to teach her God's love. He has said more than once she barks out orders like a drill sergeant. Janice (a friend) did say today that she wished her son's therapist had been more agressive with her son....that she is sure he would have progressed faster. (He was badly burned in an accident.)

We are trying to encourage Stan to "try harder" so he can come home. He is still in what is considered ICU here. But his medical needs are reducing rapidly....so hopefully we will figure a way to have him home soon.....which is a relative term, meaning maybe 3 to 5 weeks??? He did get the bandage off his trach hole today...and it does look good. Katie is the only one who took me up on the challenge, so I guess I'll need to clean that suction thing good and proper before presenting it to her!! I think she was pretty close to "right on," too!

Andy brought him a chocolate frozen custard today. I fed him about ten bites, and he loved it. I hope that was okay. They did "regress" him back to thick liquids today....something about aspiration worry.... I don't know if something happened. I didn't think he took straight water very well, but the small sips of coke didn't seem to bother him. He would only have about five sips a day.

He is sleepy a lot during the day, and they take that as a sign he isn't strong enough for long therapy sessions. They do tire him out, but the sleepiness comes from NOT getting enough sleep, too. When you are constantly being turned, repositioned (very important, of course), poked, fed, pricked, given meds, blood pressure taken (he said to go ahead and take it....he was tired of it), you don't get much chance to do more than a quickie nap, if you're lucky. None of the deep sleep that the experts insist we need. And added together per day, I doubt he gets any where near 8 hours. The turning, to him, would constitute a lot of exercise. He does get very tired with his therapy sessions and his eating.

But in all fairness, the poking, prodding, and moving are very necessary for him to improve enough to go home. Even tho there are times I wish he could be treated more gently, they mostly do treat him like a real person....

He is being "threatened" with another shower tomorrow. This is a very difficult procedure for him......it is for the aide and me, too....but way more for him. I really think he may have bruised a rib last time. That sling is very tight and unforgiving...he can't move himself in it, of course, so if he is hurting or uncomfortable... c'la vie! (I do need to look that up....not sure I've spelled it correctly...French for "that's life"! Maybe C'est la vie.....that makes more sense.

I sound very complaining tonight. I don't mean to be.... he is making such great progress, I THINK! He did manage to take about four bites of fruit cocktail BY HIMSELF today with the "drill sergeant" monitoring him. He does complain a lot that his right thumb hurts. I wish there was a way to know exactly what is going on there. She even had a velcro strap with a loop on it to hold a spoon that she placed around his hand...to try to take some pressure off his thumb. It didn't seem to work as well as holding the weighted spoon.

I need lots of prayers to decide what to do about our living quarters, and other preparations needed to bring him home. I need to start to prepare NOW. So thank you all for your prayers on my behalf!

Love, M

Day 69

A new "experiment" ... I am at the hospital using Pete's laptop computer. I am not very good on laptops. Pete is sweeping the floor (popcorn that Cannon spilled...Cheri is pointing out what he misses...) Brian is trying to suction Stan's mouth
and the vacuum suction just stopped. With the help of two nurses they got it working... Now he is getting insulin shots. He slept thru lunch and ate a little of it around four p.m. I chose to feed him "cold" stuff rather than have
it warmed in the microwave. James (his CNA) came in and told me he would warm it. I said I didn't like warming food in microwaves, that I felt
they changed the structure of food. Later when James was going to wash him, he said he would be right back ...that he wanted to warm up the wipes because the cold ones kind of
shocked Stan. Stan commented, "He can use the microwave, it won't change the food structure in them." His sense of humor is still very intact.

So much for that "new experiment"... I am home now. The wind is howling. Yesterday when Kathy got home a large spruce tree had fallen across her
driveway and also "took out" her deck. It sounds like I could lose one or two tonight! I do NOT like the wind, Sam I Am!
Stan drank a whole can of Glucerna tonight. And Brian gave him some coke. There is NO way he can drink a whole can....or even half a can.... so
does anyone want the left overs???

Paula brought in a cutting board that her nephews had made and "sold" to her on eBay..... She was their "guinea pig" for setting up an eBay
account to sell things. It is made of beautiful wood, and Stan really enjoyed seeing it.

Oh, Stan is able to suction his own mouth now when needed. We still have to hand him the thing, but he can direct it to his mouth
and knows just where to use it. We were always accidentally hitting his gag area.

He also has the kind of "nurse call thing" that Kathy had been asking for all along. It is a ball or bulb on the end of a "hose" that
all he has to do is squeeze for the light to come on over his door. We placed it above his head hanging on the "trapeze" handle. He
successfully worked it several times today, so I think he will be able to use it at night. He had said that he couldn't get anyone's
attention in the night. I do hope this works.

The lights are flickering. I do hope we don't lose power. We have been so blessed over the years.... very few outages, and all were short lived.

The wind brings warm weather...or warm weather causes the wind.... It was 44 at 11 p.m. on our way home!!!

Remember the song Molly wrote....?? Here is Sheila's rendition...same tune, "Do Your Ears Hang Low" :
OK, that was an awesome song. I wrote my own, but I dont
think it's quite as good, but in the spirit of all of us singing together, here
goes! Do you wanna go home,sleep and eat and get some rest,
Do you wanna go home, where your sure to feel your
best?Are you racing to the car,like a doggy with a bone... Do you wanna.....go.....home!? Ok, that's the extent of what I can do in 2
minutes! love, Sheila
Love, M

Day 68

I am sorry about the Packers' game for those who are ardent Packer fans! (My granddaughter, especially.) So now I will be able to root for the Patriots and support my friends who are Patriots' fans. But I am sorry the Packers lost today. I have to confess, I left town while the game was being played...and "played" a little myself. Kathy asked Cheri and me to drive to Portage Glacier with her. (she was sure that Stan would have a room full of company watching the game with him, and that I wouldn't be missed.) So I did and I don't think I was (missed....heehee).

The drive was beautiful and exciting in a horrific sort of way.....that excited feeling one gets in a storm. It was raining and the wind tried to blow us off the road. Turnagain Arm was choppier than either Kathy or I had ever seen before. There were multitudes of large frozen water falls all along the road. Even in this weather (it had warmed up to 30 and very messy and potentially slick) there were people climbing (or attempting to!) the ice wate falls.

Our mission for this trip was to check out Portage Lake to see how the snow was for cross country skiing to the glacier. The visitor center isn't open during the winter and the parking lot is NOT kept cleared. We could not view the lake from the car, so Kathy and I braved the elements to climb up a snow berm to look at the lake. We could barely get up it due to the snow depth and the blinding pelting rain and wind. The rain was like needles of ice cutting into our faces.....I was too quick to get back into the car....Kathy told me she had wanted to take my picture. I offered to get back out!!

From there we planned to go to the Wild Animal Reserve, but first made a wrong turn and checked out Whittier...or at least the road that goes there. From that side of the lake we could see much better IN the car! The snow is gone from the lake, so it wouldn't be any good for skiing. Maybe next month!

We did go to the "safari land" and
1. saw buffalo, owls, elk, and musk ox
2. checked out the really neat gift shop
3. spent more than I should ...but it was fun!

Kathy's little car has over 180,000 miles on it and has NEVER gotten stuck. Today was no exception!!!

Back at the hospital in Anchorage, the game was still being decided. We got there in time to watch the overtime...and see the Packers lose...but it was an exciting game!!

Stan sat up and watched the game, ate his dinner (Andy did the honors), and visited.

Cheri and Katie massaged Stan's feet later, and Dave gave him communion...his FIRST in over two months!!

He seems to be feeling pretty good today. We went by on our way to church and found him sleeping and didn't want to wake him. We asked a nurse to let him know we had been there. Tonight, we left him asleep again.

Stan really is holding his head up very well during meals. This just gets better every day!!

Oh....I had at least two people question me about if Stan could walk...after yesterday's update. I was quoting his "one liners" when I said he says, "I even walk with a shuffle." That phrase is in response to "you are a card!" But NO, he cannot walk at all.......YET!

Please do pray for Deryl (our minister). He has an infection that needs to be cleared up. God does hear us....so thank you ahead of time for your petitions on his behalf.

We don't meet too many of the other "inmates" here, but Pete has made acquaintance with the gal next door's family. And we have both met a man name Dave who has been going around in a wheel chair, and now a walker....he may get to go home on Tuesday. He is diabetic and stepped on some glass and when the infection was finally discovered and the glass taken out, he had to lose a toe, too. They used the skin from the toe to cover the large wound on the bottom of his foot. He is now putting some weight on his foot, and should be released soon. I told him what Stan said, "This place is easy to get into, but hard to get out of."

Love, M

Day 67

It is warmer today. And very beautiful out with "sparkles" on the snow. Driving home tonight we could see as "plain as day" with the lights off. I drove at least a mile that way on our road. (Don't tell anyone....it probably isn't "legal.") I used to be awed by this "phenom" when I would come home from work at 2 or 3 in the wintertime morning. I would turn the lights off for 2 seconds to check it out. It really is pretty.

When I got to the hospital this morning Stan was really tired. I tried to talk him into taking a nap, but his "talking" was on automatic pilot. I don't think he ever did manage to get that nap taken. I didn't get there in time for bfst, but I was told he ate 90% of it. He did really good on his lunch and dinner, too. But they were certainly strange meals. Lunch was some chopped pasta, and what looked like turkey dressing with a yellowish creamy sauce over both. I did ask for extra of the sauce as the "dressing" was pretty dry without it. Pete thinks there was some chicken or something in the "dressing." It did have a good flavor and Stan kept saying how good it was. He also had some mixed vegetables which he also seemed to like just fine.....and some finely chopped peaches. Dinner was really sparse! A pile of finely chopped ham, and small bowl of finely chopped green beans, and a small bowl of a creamy soup....??flavor??. No fruit, jello, pudding...nada. He had been "begging" for another one of his truffles (from Birdie the day before), so I told him if he ate his dinner, I'd get him one. He earned it...and I was carving off thin slices of chocolate for him. His teeth bothered him and he popped the lower ones out on the bed....getting a chocolate mess on the white sheet!! Since I don't really have "permission" for the truffle...I told him he had to ask me to take his teeth when he was done with them, and not make a mess and get me in trouble. (I changed the sheet and a pillow case, and then he pointed out that I had some on my shirt, too! ) Later he kept insisting he wanted an Ambien so he could sleep. I thought he was remembering what his doctor gave him before his stroke, and so I kept telling him "no way." Boy did we lock horns on that one....and guess what!! The nurse came in and said she would give him two tonight because one last night didn't really do any good. (so....his brain is working just fine and I better not argue with him....he WILL win!!) I am still surprised...he seems to have sleep apnea so that they have been concerned about him being too deep in sleep without the oxygen etc now to take any sleep aid. But they are giving him oxycodone and benedryl at night...both make him sleepy...so if he gets Ambien on top of that.... Scary!

He really seems to be uncomfortable with his right hand. He tells me it is in the way and he doesn't know what to do with it. I am not sure what is happening to his "good" side. He also complained a lot about his right leg ..like someone was pulling the hairs on it. Cheri was rubbing his left arm and he was able to tell her "where" she was touching. Later she massaged his feet a lot, and he seemed to really like that. He kept saying that Brian would come make him comfortable! Brian, Pete, and Cannon went to Andy's in Wasilla for dinner, but they did come back by the hospital at 11:30p.m. Cheri and I waited for them and then Pete and Cannon rode home with us....and Brian is still there.

This morning before coming to the hospital, Pete and Cheri both went to the chiropracter. Pete, because of the rear ender, and Cheri, because of her fall. Both seemed to benefit from the visit. Cheri said the xrays showed she had "adjusted" her hips a good two inches out of whack. The doc "readjusted" them back in whack (does anyone know what "whack" is???) John T told her she could tell her husband he now had a "well adjusted" wife. She does seem to feel much better after....PTL

They did not reinsert the cathetar....he is having to make another adjustment to life in bed now.

He is really doing a good job of holding his head up while he eats. This is NEW. We used to have to hold it up for him....as he needs to be upright (sitting position) to eat, and his head seemed to weigh a ton and would fall forward. I am amazed at that progress. He sat up so straight for both meals today. Back against the bed of course.

I think he was a bit discouraged today....he said something like, "I'm an invalid, aren't I?" It is our job to assure him that he is getting better and will continue to do so. (Interesting that Molly's email today was dealing with "discouragement.")

One thing I don't understand....today he mentioned more than once how bad it hurt in his left side ribs to cough. I worry that the sling may have injured him. The one they used for his last shower was small and tight.

On a happier note...he continues to state his "one liners." He is a card, he even walks with a shuffle. He is in the state of confusion. etc.... And he did LOVE the truffle. He also indulged in a bit of Coke. Water is now okay, but it does seem to choke him easily.

We are going to do our best to help him have the independence of movement....whether walking or riding.... He IS a living testimony to the power of prayer!!

Blessings.........M