Day 46

Today I found Stan quite sleepy. Sometimes I was scared, but I know that God said NOT to fear. I didn't leave tonight until 11:30 because his heart rate was playing tiddly winks with the numbers!! I wanted to be sure they would settle down, OR I was prepared to settle down there for the night. When I left his rate was in the 60s for about half an hour. About ten his monitor started buzzing too often. Whenever his rate dropped below fifty for more than a couple of beeps....the lowest I saw was 43. His blood pressure had been pretty high all last night and into the morning, so the doctor doubled his meds that are trying to control it and his heart rate. His "usual" heart rate is high...in the 90s always at home, and with meds in the hospital it has been anywhere from 80s to 200! 205 being the highest, and only for a short time, but often around 130....it is his A-fib doing that. But in the 40s is just as scary to me. His BP was WAY better with the meds, tho. Diastolic (bottom number) went to 135 for about ten minutes in the morning.... so they had to do something. When I left his BP was reading 138/70...

His sleepiness is a worry...but maybe it is a combo of being worn out from Friday's jaunt to Regional and back and all the meds he has been on today to counteract pain and high BP. The nurse gave him oxycodone twice for pain, and then Tylenol twice after that. I just get scared that the sleepiness could be symptom of another stroke, blood clot, or something. I'll take a cue from Scarlett and say, "Tomorrow is another day." Or better yet, from God's Word and keep my trust where it belongs!

We did "mouth" "I love you" to each other shortly after I got there this morning. Pete, Eric, and Isaac were there and the boys told me he kept saying "Mom" like he wondered where I was. I'll definitely get there sooner in the morning.

He also had a bit of an episode with his oxygen about six tonight. First, I didn't like the way the Aide had rolled him around with that "time bomb" clotted arm!! And when she settled him on that side, it did NOT look comfortable, but short of removing the pillows from under his other side, I was afraid to move his arm into a more comfortable position. Finally, I asked him if he hurt and he squeezed "yes." I asked him about his head and legs and his answers were "no." When I got to the arms, he indicated the right arm hurt...and he did want meds. I rang for the nurse, but before she came his oxygen buzzer started ringing....and his stats went down to 77! I went out to the nurse's station to get someone. I still can't believe they didn't come when I rang, or when his buzzer went off...by now, several times.

The (day) nurse and (day) RT came...and called the doctor. While they were trying all kinds of things, the phone rang, and it was the doctor. He told me he had told them a few things to try, and then proceeded to talk me "out of" taking him off DNR. We had agreed to DNR before he woke up at all, but said then that if he woke up and was "there" we wanted to remove it. We were assured that would be a "whole other ball game." But now while I am standing by Stan's bed holding his hand and watching his Oxygen level #s stay at 84 and below...no matter what the gals did... It was hard to concentrate on such an important decision over the phone or even listen as carefully as I needed to. In his defense, I suppose he didn't realize I was right in the center of the action!

After at least 30 minutes, 3 or 4 rough suctionings, a bagging, raising his oxygen to 100%, and I don't know what all else, one of the two decided to check his finger probe. It was on askew...as soon as it was corrected, his levels went up to 99! HELLO....that is definitely what I will check FIRST from now on!! The bagging and deep suctioning is hard on him! Maybe that is why he was so sound asleep for the rest of the time I was there. The nurse agreed with me that he was NOT comfortable the way he was lying, so she removed the pillows and we eased him onto his back.

Yesterday he started doing some funny breathing... kind of like the hiccups...but different. The RT last night (Friday) watched for quite awhile, and said she could not figure out what was going on. I told her he had done this twice during the day (Friday) but that the only thing similar was the hiccups he had while on the ventilator...before the trach. Each time after being suctioned, this stopped. So she suctioned, and VOILA ... it stopped again.

He started this again tonight after the heart rate drop started. The (night) RT came in, got worried first about the heart rate and went for the nurse. The (night) nurse came in and told me that she had called the doctor again, and as long as his BP stayed good and the heart rate didn't "stay" in the 40s, not to worry and he'd reassess him in the morning.

Then the RT came back and addressed the funny "double breathing" or hiccups, or whatever. I told her about the suctioning solution, but kind of hated to as he'd been through that so much already. But she did suction him, and again VOILA ... it stopped. She also had no idea what it is or what causes it. She said he was a bit "wheezy" in his chest and thought maybe that was it. ???? who knows.

So when I did leave tonight he was NOT "hiccuping," was sound asleep, and had a good BP, and his heart rate was mostly staying in the 60s.

Last night (Friday) the RT on duty also works at Regional. She said lots of the nurses were asking about him, and she wanted my permission to tell them. I gave her a huge "thumbs up." I had been wanting to let them know how he is progressing.... eyes open, saying words, nodding and shaking his head, and now even reaching with his right hand. And even throwing kisses!!! They will be so excited.

The doctor did say he would be glad to talk to the boys at 10 or 11 in the morning about the DNR if they wanted. I have talked to them and think I know what they want now. After he told me how really horrible Coding is, and Pete having witnessed it before and confirming what the doctor said... we will probably leave him with the DNR status. The doctor did say to me that if we took him OFF and he coded and we were in the room, he would not let us leave, but we would have to watch every thing he would have to do. He emphasized that if Stan coded, it would be because something catastrophic happened to him....like a clot to the lung or another bleed.

We are now up to 129 individual visitors.....most have come several times...but since we didn't keep track of who comes how often, I can't even guess at the number of VISITS he has had!!

It is "to bed" for me now. It is 3 a.m. and I am getting up by 7 for sure........

Love, M