Day 47

Sorry about it being "the next morning" again before writing! I stayed at the hospital until midnight. I think my husband knows I am about to leave, so "acts up." He was sleeping so peacefully about 8, so I considered going home EARLY, but about then his blood pressure was sky high, and I wanted to see it "down" before leaving. It was 204/100!! It did start coming down with meds, but the cuff he has on his left ankle only inflates every 30 minutes...

By the time it was "decent" (meaning, 173/88) the RT had come in and was planning to change the collar on his trach among other things. A very pleasant "young" man who was "fun" to talk to. When I mentioned the RT's at Regional, he said I must know Howdie. I said, "no, but my good friend does. She's a retired RT, but even though she was at Regional almost every day Stan was there, she never connected with Howdie." Then I asked him if HE knew Kathy C. and he said YES. He wants to be remembered to you, Kathy....He said he worked at Valley Hospital with you. His name is Ed.
I liked him. He let me be "in his way," respected what I had to offer and/or say, showed me how he changes the collar, etc.

After he finished, it was time to change Stan's position again (11:30) so I stayed to see him settled down again. Oh, he had woke up and told me he had a bad headache just before the RT came, so Ed chose to wait until the tylenol "kicked in" before doing all the stuff to him. (Stan looked like he hurt, so I told him to squeeze my hand if his head ache. It was a good hard multiple squeeze.)

He had been pretty sleepy all morning when I got there (about 8:30). He had been sleepy Saturday night, too, so I was a bit worried.... Andy, Pete, and Cannon arrived about 11:30 and the doctor asked us to go into an office room to talk. He very thoroughly went over Stan's condition and what DNR meant to him etc...for an hour...allowing us to ask questions and voice concerns. I was wishing we had a tape recorder. I did ask him for a copy of some of his notes, and was assured that would be fine....(they were waiting for me when we got back from IHOP.)

In the meeting with the doctor, Pete spoke out about the one aide. Later my friend Kathy was in Stan's room wondering where we were...Andy, Pete, Cannon, and I had gone to IHOP for something to eat. The nurse said she would speak to the aide about her refusing to let me "help" in any way. I guess
the nurse really stuck to her guns at every word the aide said. Kathy was in the room and heard the conversation. The nurse would tell her "to let Madeline help." The aide would use all kinds of excuses, but the nurse kept saying, " it is her husband, you let her help!" It was funny to act on this. She had no idea I was privy (through Kathy) to the conversation, and I didn't let on. First she "let me" take the wipes out of the package and open them all the way up and lay them across the end of the bed. I was a good girl, and didn't let on at all. The next time around I was promoted to helping her lift Stan.

Kathy had "found" us at IHOP and came over to join us. She brought a "McDonald's" toy in for Cannon....some funny looking figurine who shoots "tazors" (made of paper discs) from his appendage. It did NOT take long before Cannon learned to do it himself. When we got to the hospital he ran down the hallway saying, "Shoot Papa!" but when he got into "Papa's" room he stopped short and said, "Papa has an owie." It took him awhile, but soon he did decide it was okay to "shoot Papa." Then I took the toy and let Papa shoot Cannon. I held his "good" thumb on the button and pushed it down. The next time, I just put it near his thumb and he did the shooting!!! He even held his hand up to "ward off Cannon's shot!" So he "played" with Cannon. He also wiggled his right toes at Cannon a lot!!

Scott Toms leaves for Afghanistan today (31st) and he has always been "one of Stan's kids." It was great to have Scott come to tell Stan good bye. While he was there, I put his dad to work holding the digital picture frame that Andy had hooked up. It was neat to see Stan watch the photos as they each came up on the screen. One where he was wearing his shirt that is covered in animals, John asked if those were deer. I said they were elk or moose...and Stan SAID, "elk."

"We talked" together quietly after everyone left, and he was moved by how many people loved him...praying, visiting, emailing, etc.... Thank you all!!!

It is hard to leave when he is looking at me with loving eyes! And he DOES!! WOW...PTL!! It was all I really "asked" for!! Just to see his eyes open with recognition again. I am so anxious now to see each "new" thing he can do.

The doctor told us he would never walk again, will never be the dad or husband we had before, etc. I am not convinced of that. We had been told before that he probably would NOT wake up! And if he did, he probably wouldn't know us. So why should I get discouraged over this news?? I'll just trust God to give me what He chooses, and I'll be content.

No decision was made regarding the DNR. We'll talk with the other boys more first, but probably don't want Stan "coded" ....

The doctor did say that he is still very ill with multiple things wrong...pneumonia, clots, infection, the stroke, etc.... and that Stan could "throw him a curve ball" at any time. We did like and appreciate the doctor. Today he rotates out and a new one comes in to care for Stan. Like Kathy says, that is good because each new doc comes with a fresh look at the problems and thinks of other solutions that may help.

Well.... I better get going. It is almost 8 a.m.

Love, M